Question: Dear Luise: I’m a single parent of a 20 year-old son, who gives me nothing but grief. I’m so tired of his crap and want him to leave my house. He’s currently unemployed. He has an anger problem and everything that goes wrong in his life always winds up somehow being my fault. He just recently cursed me out and told me he hates me. He’s told me that a few times, so it really doesn’t faze me anymore. He’s punched a hole in his wall and in both his room door and closet door. He has torn my house up. He broke my car windshield and door-handle in one his fits. At one point last year, I got so fed up I called the cops to see if they would come and have him removed from my house. They asked what the problem was but because he hadn’t physically abused me, they could only come out and talk to him because he had no place to go. How much more must I take? I’ve told him several times to leave but who’s going to allow him (and that attitude) to come and stay with them, plus I realize everyone has their own issues and problems without taking on someone else’s. He tells me what a bad mother I was when in fact I know I was not. I can’t figure out what his problem is or why he behaves in the way that he does. In the beginning when I first noticed the change in his behavior I made him an appointment without his knowledge to have him secretly tested for drugs. It came back negative both times. He has such terrible temper tantrums and can be so angry. I can’t take anymore of the cursing, the slamming doors, the punching walls or the headaches he’s causing. Does anyone have any suggestions? I’m seriously considering leaving my home with my younger son and leaving my 20 year-old son here in it, empty. N.
Answer: Dear N.: I think I would talk with an attorney about this. Surely you have some rights and don’t have to take what your son is dishing out for the rest of your life. Make sure you explain the damage he did to your home and car, not just the psychological abuse…(which I know must be terrible to live with.) See what the laws are where you live regarding how long you have to provide a home for him. And find out what is required to get a restraining order. You need to know how the law can protect you and how to proceed.
Moving and leaving him behind might not work. He could find out where you are and turn up on your doorstep again. Blessings, Luise