I Love You Mom

Question: Dear Luise: The Untold Story That Awaits A Son or Daughter. Where does one begin? OMG. The Pain. I guess I’ll say, Mom, I Love You, I Am So Proud You Were My Mom. WOW. You’re Awesome.  Well, I am here at this site because like most here, my mother has departed On April 17, she departed on Her Birthday after a hard fight with numerous complications. This year alone has been a living nightmare for me, TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT. Mom starting getting worse early in the year, and I knew in my Heart, that Mom wasn’t going to make it much longer. As January came, she began to get worse, multiple hospital visits and days and night staying there, it was tough. She always stayed Positive, Mom never showed weakness, Her Love was her strength and her eyes were her passage into glory. March Came and I thought mom was going to go on my B-day, she didn’t and fought even more, All the while I was with her as much as I can. Over time I was with her so much I lost track. She was my mom, she gave me life, she gave me herself over and over, what better way to pay her back than to tell her, I love you mom. April came; we spent like what seem every day in the hospital. That is where I was able to sit with mom and tell her how I felt. Mom, I said. I am so proud of you, you were awesome, I am proud you were my mom, not someone else’s. I told her I could not have asked for a better mother. She was everything that god could have made into a mother. We brought up old stories of us fishing, and going on trips and so much more. It was mom and her baby, as she always referred me as all the time. I was her baby, that was who I was and never stopped being. Mom, never cried, though she came close once and I grabbed her hands and said, don’t worry, you will be fine. We are all going to be fine. Mom knew she was leaving us. She knew and I wanted her to know, that I was so proud of her and I had no regrets. I lived in her eyes as she brought me up, with love and respect. Though I will stand up if need be “Moms strength”. A week prior The Week of April 10th, she was getting much worse. I had informed my 2 Uncles that mom was not going to make it another two weeks; they got things together on their end as far as getting family ready. I knew, I knew and the time was drawing, I didn’t tell anyone that she was nearing her time, but when April 14 came; it was time to notify everyone. Mom was now hospice, been informed, not much they can do for her, we are to make her comfy and make the best of what she has left. Mom went downhill his so fast. It must be the hardest part in a sons life to know, Mom, the women that gave you life was about to lose hers and no longer walk, cook, call or sit down with you to laugh. It was hard, but somehow I manage to gain a strength I never knew existed. Moms health went downhill so fast, so fast, by Saturday morning, it was very obvious mom was leaving us that day. That is where I called all the strength I could muster and ask God for a blessing. In silence I knew who my strength was. I used the Power of True Love to lift me to a place I never been to. Saturday came 12pm noon, I was there, I took moms hands and held them, I sat there from 12pm Saturday April 16th at her side holding her hands, Singing to her as only I could, I hum to her like you would a child, I spoke to her when she barely had voice to ask or say something. It was I who held her for the FINAL 16 HOURS OF HER LIFE. I held moms hand and I sat there with her. The one promise I made my mother was this, I will never leave you, I will be here with you and I am never ever leaving you. She had ask me a week before not to leave her alone. I informed work I was taking FMLA leave to be with my mother and if approved or not, I was going to be with her regardless. My Promise was her asking me to never leave her alone when she needed me most. 16.5 Hrs From Saturday 12pm to her Passing Sunday 4:30am I stood hand in hand with her. She was a fighter and never shed a tear; mom went with the Grace of Love and Her Kindness still intact. I was pleased that mom, didn’t suffer as we had some medication for her pain. Mom knew everyone came to see her and she waited for the last member in her family to see her. Mom went at 4:30 Am; she was born on April 17th and Rested April 17th. My mother I love you, how does one get over a women who brought life to him and was the world to her. I cry and I feel devastated. I hurt so much, Tears flow from just several to rivers and I am drowning in them. My head spins so fast sometimes I feel like I am going to fall. There is so much pain, I know everyone says they understand but its imposible for anyone to understand such love can bring such a powerful pain to ones being. How does one even begin to cope? Where, How, WHEN, so many questions and all lead to more questions. My pain is everything described here and 10 fold more added to it. MOM, You were strong and right now I need your strength. Maybe talking to those who have lived this pain can I learn to maybe, just maybe, cope with it enough that I can try to live a decent life without MY MOM. MOM I LOVE YOU. Can’t wait for you to hold me again when you come to get me, your son. My First Tears For My Mom Came 3 Weeks Later, Small They Were But Hers All The Way. My Day Will Come When I Will Truly Hit The Floor With All Her Emotions I Have Been Holding. So Far They Are Smaller Rivers. The Ocean IS Growing Inside Me. Oh Boy. D.

Answer: Dear D.: None of us understand death and all of us have to face it. It is also true that those who don’t face it, suffer the most. It is normal and healthy to feel like you do this soon after such a loss. The job at hand is to not get stuck in self-pity and to eventually let healing take place. I still miss my mom and she has been gone for 57 years. I still talk to her. I sometimes write to her and then I write down her answer back to me. Do I make it up? Sure. Is it what she would have said? Of course.

When our moms give us life…they give us the task of facing death…theirs and then our own because life and death go together. There is no one-size-fits-all way to get through loss. We have a “shelf-life. We are “perishable items.” It just is.

What I did…when I lost my mom, was to try to determine what she would have wanted. And what I knew when I went there…was that she would have wanted me to go on, as she did when she lost her mom, with dignity and yes, joy. She gave me my life to live in joy…with or without her. I can only hope, that my beloved son does the same thing and as soon as possible after I pass. I hope he celebrates his life instead of focusing on my death and  dismissing the value of the life I gave him. No, not right away, the separation is too stark and appears too final…but as soon as he can. Life is a gift and death isn’t final, just different.

So, know that how you are feeling right now will not last unless you nurture it and perpetuate it and refuse to let it go. And that’s not what your mom wants. She wants to hear you laugh again…and somewhere, somehow, she will laugh with you. Blessings, Luise

 

 

6 Responses to I Love You Mom

  1. D. July 14, 2011 at 1:22 pm #

    I want to start off by saying thank you in advance. I seem to be taking things much better, i have taken to my interest in art and love of Doves and put them together. I am doing much better, Not feeling the hurt as before, its there but i am doing much better. I know i will have my ups and downs, in due time mom will see my happiness again. She is always with me and i will always talk to her, bring her coffee and a chat. Its never easy for this type of pain to go away, i know ill die with the pain, but in the end i will always be happy knowing mom did the best for me and never left me. She will hold me again when she comes for me. Right now she is my Angel and the Dove i walk with every day. My Art drawing and love for life will make me stronger. Thanks. Its Hard, I’m still in tears but in the end, I’m not alone, she is with me. Thanks Mom
    My Angel In Heaven. D.

  2. D. December 19, 2011 at 12:59 am #

    Dear Luise,
    How are you, just want to update, i am doing well, doing a little better in dealing with my mothers passing since i last posted. This coming holiday that is almost here, I can feel the build up. I feel that i am going to feel like i got hit by a Train. This will be the first Christmas that Mom will not be giving out the gifts, I wont be handing her her present. I wont be seeing her smile, I wont be embracing her as i have done so since forever. I miss her so much since she departed this life. There have been many days since my last post here that were tough on me. But i know now that Christmas Eve will indeed be the most painful to date. Ive been living this year as best i can and thru all the pain, there have been days that i want to give up. But knowing that mom held me tight in her last hours and showed me a strength she has, i say to myself, i cant let her down. That is what keeps me together, then there is someone in my life that i love so dearly and her smile is what also helps me. Knowing i am loved as a mother loves me is a reward in itself. So for now, thanks to all who pray for those who need it most. Happy Holidays.
    D.

    • Luise Volta December 19, 2011 at 2:49 pm #

      You are doing so well with something so difficul…and setting an example for others. Thank you!

  3. I. March 28, 2012 at 7:46 pm #

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I too, lost my beautiful Angel Mother. It was 1/22/12 in a hospice, as I was holding her hand her gorgeous green eyes looked up and to the right and I know someone came for her. Your story is very similar to mine and the love you shared with your mom is exactly how I feel about mine. How lucky we are to be loved by such amazing moms and what a blessing it is to not only feel this love, but also give it back to other’s as you and I have done so with our mom’s and loved ones. Thank you again for making me realize that someday, someday I too may feel less pain. Love you forever momma, just forever. Sincerely, I.

  4. D April 16, 2012 at 11:58 am #

    A Mothers Love.
    Hi and thanks in advance to all, As I sit here ALONE, I’ve been hit real hard since 12:00pm April 16th, 2012. The amount of tears flowing from my heart can’t be measured, can’t be counted and though they are seen, they don’t explain the sorrow in my heart for my mother. As you have read from previous post about, she departed this life on April 17th, 2011 on her birthday. The pains of not being able to see her smile in person this year on her birthday is unreal. Is this her first birthday away from us or was her departing birthday last year it? Honestly who knows this answer, all i know is mom was born twice as she was born here on earth and born again into god’s kingdom on the same day, where she awaits us all. Mom, (i Pause to reflect) i know you went with such grace and with such joy. Your courage was indeed passed down, even though i feel at times like the world is crumbling beneath my feet. I look into your small but fragile hands and ask myself, how these little hands can hold so many children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren in her lifetime and never once break under that pressure. The answer is simple, you had the heart of a champion, a heart of a lioness but most importantly, you had a heart that gave itself before asking for anything back. You gave everyone so much more of yourself, your teaching sometimes harsh were meant to make us stronger and wiser. You knew the hardships of life. You lived them and made the sacrifices that were not ours but yours. Mom, I was proud to look you in the eye and thank you before you left that I was very proud to have you as my mom. I was so happy saying those words. Yes, I was always your little baby, you never stopped calling me that even at 43 years of age. It was special for me to hear those words and ill forever cherish my mother’s breath when she said those words. You’re the world’s greatest mom, because you were my mother. All the world’s greatest moms wear your kind of heart and love, this world has many and I had one. Thank You mom for giving me the life I live today. I pray that the heart you gave me will guide me to being strong like you, even when the world is against you. Without love this heart is a stone, you gave me the right stuff for my heart to keep it soft and caring. A Mothers Love. D.

    • Luise Volta April 27, 2012 at 7:24 pm #

      D. – How beautiful! She was lucky to have you, as well. You’re very special. Blessings, Luise

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