Question: Dear Luise: I would very much like to get advice in a deep concern for me. My entire world has been shaking. Many, many things have been bothersome for me. I am slowly starting to gain ground under my feet, but need advice as to what the best thing would be for me and for my journey on earth. What path to take In all this turmoil, I have decided to divorce my husband. But, he doesn’t want to let go. He calls, text, mail, and visit me unannounced. He tells me he is going to change his manners, but I have doubts. Still, I feel this strong connection between us. I am sure we have lived together before, in previous lives. I do miss him, the good sides but I can’t live with him, as he would want. I have lost the faith in us. And, I long for freedom, to be me. I think we have done what we came here to do, and now it is time to let go. We have shared our worlds, paths for a while… and maybe we don’t have more to share But, I have doubts, and I still want to help him. He has become destructive (always been) he has tried to kill himself twice because of me, because I want to go my own way. How can I help him? How can I move on? He tells me If I leave him he has nothing to live for… in spite that he has two children and two grandchildren. I would really appreciate your advice and insight in this matter. Love and light, Y.
Answer: Dear Y. Your husband has never tried to end his life because of you. Whatever the reasons are, they are about him…not you. People who do that need help but usually not from the one they are entangled with. They get stuck in not having their own way and the whole thing is usually incredibly manipulative.
That old song “You Are My Everything” never sounded romantic to me. It always spoke of control through dependency and it takes two to do that dance. Does it also mean “I Am Nothing Without You?” If so, isn’t that level of pathology beyond your ability to address?
Of course you still love him. Once we love, we love. That does not mean we can necessarily live with the person. Each and every one of us has our own work to do and we need to create a supportive environment for that.
To stay or go is a deep, personal choice. Neither is right and neither is wrong. It’s a fork in the road and lessons will come no matter which way you go. Blessings, Luise