Question: Dear Luise: I have a 20 year old daughter, who loves to argue with me. She has two sisters, 25 and 8, and I divorced her mother a long time ago. I have an 8 year old daughter by my long time fiance’ of 15 years now. We all get along as a family, but my 20year old daughter whom lives with her mother treats her mom and I like dirt. and her step mother like a conveniant grown up friend. She acts as if there are no father or mother figuers to answer to. she takes advice from her friends and leaves everyone else in the dark. telling adults only what she wants them to know. If we parents try to shed some light on her to offer adult/parenting advice. She gets furious and threatens to never talk to us again, sometimes she just gets mad at eveyone, like a spoiled child, even at her friends. This world of texting and cell phones make a childs life easier to hide things and look like an angel when its suits a persons needs.There is a lot of hidding with this one. She only tells you good things, if I dig deeper and ask for more info, she gets furious. I went to college, I took a child development course. I know about ragging hormones of young adult women, but it just hurts sometimes to hear my 20 year old say such hateful things to me and others. I just want to love her and be a bigger part of her life. S.
Answer: Dear S.: I know this is going to sound totally off the wall, but would you be willing to bring your question to my all-women’s Web-forum? We have had men there before and you would be most welcome. What you are describing in one of the two primary issues addressed. We are at: www.WiseWomenUnite.com I hope to see you there.
If you don’t want to do that, please join without posting so you can read what has been shared on many different threads regarding how the issue has been resolved or by-passed. Sometimes adult children choose a path we can’t condone and we have to go on without them when our love is rejected. We can’t change them when they are determined to rewrite history and create voluntary victimism.
Your daughter is so lucky to have you…and you deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise