Question: Dear Luise: I’m 20 years old. I’ve been seeing this guy on and of since I was 13. We have always had a connection and have strong feelings for each other, but even though this is so, he just doesn’t treat me right. I feel he has no respect for me as a person, and doesn’t care about my feelings. He is 23 years old and is still living like a 16 year old. I want to start a life together and make something of our selves. We have been together long enough to move forward. But we are constantly having problems because he just doesn’t seem to want to. All he wants to do is hang out with his mates drinking every night. I want to move in together, look at buying a house, get engaged and I’m finding I’m just being brought down because I will never get these things with him. He says he wants the same things and he wants to treat me right, but nothing changes. He even moved away for a year to try figure out what he wanted and to get out of drugs and alcohol and his job. When he came back he was begging to get back together with me because he wanted to start a life with me and said he moved away to make himself a better person for me. 3 months later, he is right back to drinking every night and back at the same job with the same people that he moved to get away from. He has had alcohol problems since I’ve known him, and he has had drug problems, also. He has also cheated on me and lied to me about it for 2 and a-half years. He want sex even though we’re technically not together at the moment, but that’s all he wants. He’s stopped asking me to come over and doesn’t make an effort at all. He is always doing things to hurt me and it’s like he does it on purpose. I just don’t know what to do; I’m torn. I love him with all my heart and I want a life with him, yet I feel like I need to move away to get away from him. I just can’t seem to keep myself away. I’m so broken. Am I just wasting my time on him? I know he can be a good guy, He isn’t always awful to me, it’s only when he chooses to be. But I just don’t know what to do, I just want to have a normal life and be treated with some respect. I need some advice. F.
Answer: Dear F.: Of course you are wasting your time on him, the guy is a loser, (no matter how charming he can be on occasion.) If you are addicted to him, then you are going to be used and abused your whole life. You said yourself that you are never going to get the things you want with him and you certainly aren’t ever going to be treated with respect. What was exciting and fun at 13 can look pretty disgusting and boring at 20. If you really don’t want that, go see a counselor and get some support in moving on with your life. You deserve a heck of a lot better. Blessings, Luise