Question: Dear Luise: I have been married for almost 21 years. My husband spends more time with his dad than me. When I am at work, his dad is either at our house doing stuff, fishing or they go do stuff together, which is usually at least 3 days a week. The evenings when I am home, my husband is in the shed or on the tractor. The days he works, I don’t see him. I work days he works nights. And, he usually has to call his mom & dad on his way to work. He is 47 years old. They are both retired and will drop everything for him. I feel like he shouldn’t even be asking them. I understand when he needs help for major projects, but having his dad run errands? His mom complains she never sees us. The last place I want to go when we do have time together is to see them (who he gets to see the other days when he is off. Please give me some advice. L.
Answer: Dear L: It is the way it is. You can’t change it and you have been unable to accept it. You have two choices that I can see; you can make a life for yourself that pleases you and for the most part doesn’t include them or you can leave. To stay in an angry or unhappy state of mind is defeating and can cause you to become ill from feeling helpless and hopeless. Don’t let that happen. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise