Question: How do I deal with the loss of my mother when I blame my siblings for her death? I had been my mothers caretaker for 4 years at 22 she was near death and I alone brought her back. We never had a close relationship until the birth of my daughter at which time she went to live with my sister to give me relief. While staying with my sister she got an infection instead of taking he directly to the hospital as I would have done she waited 3 days to take her, once at the hospital I told my sister to call me she never did then that night my mother died. I blame my sister for not taking her and for not calling me once there I feel cheated as if my mother had been torn from my arms. Its been 3 years and I still cant let go or stop the blame. C.
Answer: Dear C.: The trouble with such rage, even if well founded, is that it doesn’t hurt your sister, only you. You mom would want more for you than that.
We can’t control others, change them or rewrite history. Getting stuck in being right can also be our undoing. You can continue to focus on the obvious injustice that was done you and your mom, and have it ruin the rest of your life…or you can move on, as your mom would want you to. Making your self a victim and hanging onto it is personally defeating. There is a saying I sometimes use when I get stuck “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” The choice is actually yours.
If need be, see a counselor that can help you with this because you deserve so much better where you are with this. Blessings, Luise