Question: Dear Luise: My wife and I have a 18 month-old daughter. We both have had two different lives. She was sent to a reform school when she was 14. She was sexually abused there. I grew up in a small town with a fairly normal life. She on the other hand didn’t. She informed her parents about the abuse and the man was put in prison. But her parents told her she had to stay. She was scared and hurt and very angry. When she came home I met her and we had a child a year and a half later. After the child was born she started to become really lazy, rude and disrespectful to our child and me. Lately she is mean and bossy for no reason. She says she still loves me. She once told me that she hates her parents for what they did to her. She is as sweet as can be to them. She believes and I do too that the anger towards her parents she directs toward me. Please, please help. I am ready to pack my bags and leave. I am going crazy Thank you so much. B.
Answer: Well, yours is the kind of story I simply can’t understand. How can I possibly help?
I wonder what you expected of this woman? Why did you think with that kind of background that she was good wife and mother material? There is a reason she was sent to reform school in the first place…and from there it went from bad to worse. What were you doing at 14? I was in Girl Scouts.
I doubt that you have the training to attempt to rehabilitate her, if that’s even a possibility. I sure wouldn’t know where to begin. She may love you but how does that love show up in her actions toward you and her child? No matter what you do, your daughter is the one who is going to pay the biggest price.
I wonder if you will find the patience to stay and if you do…whether you will decide to have surgery before more children appear. You need to talk to an attorney and a psychologist about your situation. You may end up paying for the mistake you made for the rest of your life. It happens more often than most of us realize. And yet, miracles also happen. Remember that. Blessings, Luise