Question: Dear Luise: I am an Indian girl following my country’s customs and traditions. Here I made a decision to my problem but dying to control my heart. Please read through your heart and advice me. I loved a guy for 7 years. I never proposed to him nor even talked to him( as we were in different universities). He didn’t loved me nor thought of me. My parents known this and called that guy to my house to have a talk with me. He told me that my love is just an impression and rejected. Recently I came to know that a dearest friend of mine is loving me sincerely in spite of knowing my past love story. I told him that I cannot love him. He convinced to be as friends but he couldn’t treat me as just friend. So to make him to forget me I have changed every contact source of mine. As a failed lover i know the pain of love. I got decided to forget these two and listen to my parents, to marry anyone who my parents show me. When I rethink about the guy i loved, my heart is saying not to leave him. The same thing when i thought of the guy who loved me. My heart is struggling between these two love stories. Please mom, please give me some suggestion or advice in what way i have to start my life. Thank you…T.
Answer: Dear T.: What you have experienced is one-sided love and that is not what love is about. Love is about mutual respect and partnership. It is about maturing. Your customs are very different than mine but I have a sincere regard for them. Your parents know you and they have the maturity to find a mate for you that you will grow to love because you will be well suited. I sometimes wish my parents had done that but they stepped aside and let me make some serious mistakes. That is the custom in my country.
I would go to my parents and tell them that I need help to grow beyond my ideas of romance and want to develop the maturity to lead a responsible and rewarding life. I would ask them to select my mate, trusting them implicitly because no one knows and loves you more than they do or is more committed to your leading a fulfilled life as an adult woman. Trust them. Blessings, Luise