Question: Dear Luise: I have been with Dan for almost 9years. We started out as an affair but we both divorced about 6 years ago. He drives truck and is only home maybe five days a month. I am fed up with not know from day to day what is going on. Our relationship has always been difficult. I am ready to walk away but find it very hard to find the words or the strength. S.
Answer: Dear S.: My take is that there is no easy or comfortable way for most of us to turn a corner and leave another behind. We have to leave our hopes and dreams there, too…or our need to hide. Whatever brought us there served a purpose. There was a time you must have needed a five days a month partner…difficult or not.
My personal experience is that relationships are where we learn and grow. That doesn’t mean that we both necessarily learn the same things or grow in the same direction. Of course it’s hard to walk away…it is also hard to stay. If it is still working for your guy…that doesn’t mean you have to continue until he gets to where you are. That might never happen.
What it boils down to is your relationship with yourself. You have come to the place where to honor yourself; you have to take a stand. He will recover. There’s no crystal ball to tell him that he may look back one day and thank you, but it’s a possibility. You deserve better and you know it. That’s the fuel that will take you through the fear, pain and perhaps guilt of being honest. It’s called self-respect. Blessings, Luise