Question: Dear Luise: hopfully u will respond to this before i give u my question u should know i am autistic diognosed in late teens and possibly obbsesive compusive (not sure about the last one havent been tested for that) as well if you cannot answer my question please tell me so so i dont wind up waiting for an answer that isent coming any way me and my mom just had a fight and well i am hurting alot from it… emotionally. you see i am a bit obsesive about apology’s and i was asking for one (a few times since i need to do a breathing thing right after i hear it but that only takes a second or two) any way my mom then throws a tantrum about it slaming doors and such (during a different fight throwing stuff around) so i became very upset not just for what happened but also because she yells at me alot for such things as for trying to get some one to stop annoying mewhile im in my room and there being loud outside my window. it once got quite bad to the point in which i had to cut my arm to stop the fight (again different fight months ago dont worry it wasent anywhere near a vein or artery i made sure and the docter said it was minner and i know stupid idea and it dident work just yelled at me more and insulted me plus had to fix it my self in with out help ) anyway back to now i kinda started to cry and she dident even take that as a hint that she had really hurt me the fight was an hour ago… i think and then she asked if i wanted to move away from her which got me more upset because well i get lonly and its hard for me to make friends in real life (not to mention i dont know how to pay a bill) so its a really big hot button for me cause it makes it sound as if she dousent want me so all this has really made me feel unwanted and unloved since as far as i remember we never spent time togather at home including during childhood so i was wandering ….. how can i get my mom to start acting like my mom you know not like treating me like child or anything silly like that but acting like she wants to be my mom like soothing me when im crying knowing what not to say to make upset or angery at least some of the time i mean, not trying to force me to leave my home especialy since i pay the rent and she dousent make enough to do so herself or other such motherly things at least a very a very small potion of the time i might be an adult male but that dousent mean i want to leave my parent or not have good realation ship with her…especialy considering she isent good at takeing care of herself and yells at everyone as well you should know my father left before my birth so he isent around please help and also forgive my bad gramer any advice is greatly apreciated and welcome. K.
Answer: Dear K.: I know nothing about autism and I also know nothing about a person cutting himself to solve a problem. It sounds to me like your mom is overwhelmed. You both probably need counseling and supervision but what I would do would be to start treating her like a child. I don’t mean in running things or writing checks and paying bills but in seeing her as not able to cope and in trying to find ways to help her cope and feel better. One of you needs to step up to the plate and be kind. I don’t think she knows how. It is my guess that you do…because you are the one writing to me and wanting things to be better. You both deserve so much better but I think you are the only one who can make that happen. Blessings, Luise