How Can I Repair This Break?

Question: Dear Luise:  I have a daughter that went back with her husband during there process of a divorce. The son-in-law will not let us see the grandchildren unless we can accept him back in the family.  This is hard to do after he did and still does control my daughter and verbally abuses her.  I truly miss these twins boys that are 2 1/2 years old and I was a big part of their life.  What can I do? My daughter has had her phone number changed also but I have it but she does not know it. She will not respond to any of my email either.  What can I do to get to her and just start talking back with her with baby steps and repair the family back to together. D.

Answer: Dear D.: I sometimes think the hardest lesson a parent ever has to learn is that adult children make their own choices and have to suffer the consequences. We make their decisions for them when they are little and we guide them in making their decisions as they grow older…but when they leave home and establish their own family units, they make the rules and we comply or withdraw. If by any wild chance in the scheme of things…they ask for advice, so be it, but they do not have to take it.

You can stay estranged, or you can welcome your son-in-law back and apologize for over-stepping. Both bitter pills to swallow, I know.

You can also take your issue to the Web-forum I have established for women having problems with their extended families. You will find us at: www.WiseWomenUnite.com . There is a lot of combined understanding and support available there. Blessings, Luise

Question: Dear Luise:  I have a daughter that went back with her husband during there process of a divorce. The son-in-law will not let us see the grandchildren unless we can accept him back in the family.  This is hard to do after he did and still does control my daughter and verbally abuses her.  I truly miss these twins boys that are 2 1/2 years old and I was a big part of their life.  What can I do? My daughter has had her phone number changed also but I have it but she does not know it.
She will not respond to any of my email either.  What can I do to get to her and just start talking back with her with baby steps and repair the family back to together. D.

Answer: Dear D.: I sometimes think the hardest lesson a parent ever has to learn is that adult children make their own choices and have to suffer the consequences. We made their decisions for them when they were little and we guide them in making their decisions are they grow older…but when they leave home and establish their own family units, they make the rules and we comply or withdraw. If by any wild chance in the scheme of things…they ask for advice, so be it, but they do not have to take it.

You can stay estranged, or you can welcome your son-in-law back and apologize for over-stepping. Both bitter pills to swallow, I know.

You can also take your issue to the Web-forum I have established for women with problems concerning extended families: www.WiseWomenUnite.com . There is a lot of combined understanding and support available there. Blessings, Luise

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