How Can I Change Myself to Lessen The Hurt?

Question: Dear Luise: My adult son and daughter-in-law have cut off ties with my 3 grandchildren because I am ignoring their “demands.”  I have tried all through their marriage to meet their demands as far as my grandchildren.  The occasions when I have been able to see the kids is either if I go to their sporting events, if I go to their house to visit or babysit, or if I invite them to a holiday dinner.  They feel I should go to their house more often to spend time with the kids. But, tell my that to bring the kids to my house just for a visit is too much trouble for them because they both work.  (I also work full time.) My daughter has 2 of my other grandchildren who I also spend time with (basically under the same conditions as above).  My son and daughter-in-law become angry if I spend time with my other 2 grandchildren and my daughter becomes angry if I spend time with my other 3 grandchildren.  My son and daughter are always angry with me over these situations and I am at my wits end.  I can’t please everyone and I spend most of my time very distraught because someone is usually angry at me for one reason or another.  I have been to counseling.  The counselor told me that they are just being self-centered which I agree with.  But, what can I do to change myself so that it doesn’t hurt as much? Also, for some reason, and can’t tell you what it is because I do not know.  My daughter-in-law is constantly telling me that I am a bad mother.  I can only assume that my son is filling her head with something he didn’t (or doesn’t) like about me in the past.  I divorced their dad for recognizable reasons when they were fairly young.  I struggled financially to feed and clothe them, worked full-time and managed to keep them all on sporting teams and always went to all of their games.  I really believe that I was a good mother to them.  My son had a taste for expensive things (even when he was young) and I could not give these things to him.  I truly believe he has a deep imbedded resentment towards me because I could not always give him the things that his friends had.  I think he was ashamed of me  PLEASE HELP!! S.

Answer: Dear S.: I created a Web-forum two years ago to address what you are up against. The women there help each other to find a way to live through what you are describing and move on. It has become close to endemic in a large percentage of today’s young adults. You deserve so much better. Please consider coming over to: Blessings, Luise


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