Question: Dear Luise: My adult son and daughter-in-law have cut off ties with my 3 grandchildren because I am ignoring their “demands.” I have tried all through their marriage to meet their demands as far as my grandchildren. The occasions when I have been able to see the kids is either if I go to their sporting events, if I go to their house to visit or babysit, or if I invite them to a holiday dinner. They feel I should go to their house more often to spend time with the kids. But, tell my that to bring the kids to my house just for a visit is too much trouble for them because they both work. (I also work full time.) My daughter has 2 of my other grandchildren who I also spend time with (basically under the same conditions as above). My son and daughter-in-law become angry if I spend time with my other 2 grandchildren and my daughter becomes angry if I spend time with my other 3 grandchildren. My son and daughter are always angry with me over these situations and I am at my wits end. I can’t please everyone and I spend most of my time very distraught because someone is usually angry at me for one reason or another. I have been to counseling. The counselor told me that they are just being self-centered which I agree with. But, what can I do to change myself so that it doesn’t hurt as much? Also, for some reason, and can’t tell you what it is because I do not know. My daughter-in-law is constantly telling me that I am a bad mother. I can only assume that my son is filling her head with something he didn’t (or doesn’t) like about me in the past. I divorced their dad for recognizable reasons when they were fairly young. I struggled financially to feed and clothe them, worked full-time and managed to keep them all on sporting teams and always went to all of their games. I really believe that I was a good mother to them. My son had a taste for expensive things (even when he was young) and I could not give these things to him. I truly believe he has a deep imbedded resentment towards me because I could not always give him the things that his friends had. I think he was ashamed of me PLEASE HELP!! S.
Answer: Dear S.: I created a Web-forum two years ago to address what you are up against. The women there help each other to find a way to live through what you are describing and move on. It has become close to endemic in a large percentage of today’s young adults. You deserve so much better. Please consider coming over to: www.WiseWomenUnite.com Blessings, Luise