Question: Dear Luise: I have been seeing and having sex with this guy i really liked for a long time and he is to scared to commit. So we agreed to be friends that have special relations and thats cool or so i thought at first. I figured it would be a stepping stone. Although he never treats me like a friend we meet up he says lets get lunch then we have sex and he doesn’t have time to get lunch anymore. this happens all the time. He won’t introduce me to his friends and never a weekend open to kick it with me. He never wants to make plans to do anything fun. Lately I told him i was getting upset with him and his lack of friendly relations, So he started to try harder holding my hand in the car, inviting me on his errands and what not. But he is still scared and I really care for him and losing him scares me. He is scared to be with me because he doesn’t want to fight and his parents are divorced and all this stuff. And I’m afraid of letting go I don’t want to lose him , but I’m also afraid of investing so much emotion and time into someone who may never reciprocate these emotions. Thank you. S.
Answer: Dear S.: You don’t have to be afraid of losing the guy because you don’t have him. You had hoped being close to you would help him through his fears but it’s not working. Your relationship, if you want to call it that, is on his terms and he is demonstrating that it works just fine for him the way it is. He knows what you want and you are just not his priority.
Gather up your self-respect and move on. You deserve so much more. Limiting your own life to suit and fit the fears of another person isn’t enough for you. And it shouldn’t be. Blessings, Luise