Question: Dear Luise: I have a boyfriend. We’ve dated for 2 years now. He tries to provide for my needs. I think he loves me but the problem is that he is hot-tempered, while I’m a very quiet person. The two times that I’ve tried walking out of the affair, he hit me so seriously that I was hospitalized both times. I love him but at the same time, I’m very afraid of him. I held on to believing that with time maybe he’ll change but things are going from bad to worse. We quarrel more than we play and he’s jealous and possessive. I want to walk out now but I’m very scared. Please advise me on how I can do this without getting hurt. A.
Answer: Dear A.: “Hot temper” doesn’t cover it; he sounds like someone who can flip totally out of control and who is inflicting serious, physical abuse. Loving a dangerous person like that and being able to live happily with him can be two entirely different things. Self-love and self-protection has to come first for you to survive and thrive.
It can be very easy to get into such a relationship and then very hard to get out. I don’t know what country you live in. Where I live, you can go to the police and get a restraining order. Sometimes that works and sometimes in brings on violence and tragedy. I’m in the USA and we also have Battered Women Shelters where women go, often with their children, and actually hide. Do you have family that would take you in and protect you? That’s another option. You definitely need support in this. Sometimes a counselor can lead you through the actual steps that you must take to reach your God-given freedom.
Apparently the guy thinks fear will hold you forever and abusing you is his right. That’s nuts and it’s even crazier for him to call it love. You are right to walk out and it’s probably long overdue. Blessings, Luise