Question: Dear Luise” Well My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 half years. I am 18 and he is 23. For both of us it is our first long term relationship and our first ‘love.” We’ve had partners before but not like this. His ex hurt him in the past. They were very serious. Although we argued, we still really admired each other. We’d go through good phases and bad phases. I did cheat on him once when I was very intoxicated and he really despises cheaters. I slept with one my friends. Luckily we overcame it although if we fought…he would usually bring it up. It was a really big mistake and I wish i could take it back but now I’ve learned to move on. Still kills me that I hurt him that much. It’s almost been a year since that incident happened. Everyone admired our relationship because we were very in love. We started to go through a bad phase and I was acting very clingy and I was smothering him without knowing it. He even said you are driving me away! But I was that comfortable that I didn’t see I actually was. Over the weekend he was being very short with me and i knew something was wrong. I kept questioning him then I rang him and he finally told me he was thinking of a break. I hung up and was so upset. He said please talk to me, so we talked about it and he said he needs time for himself and we are not together anymore. This happened Monday night and it is now Friday. I’m devastated. I did call him begging for me to stay over. He said this is the opposite of what I have asked. I talked to his mother and he hasn’t told her. We are keeping it on the down low. I don’t know if that means it’s because he only wants a bit of time and space. I’m so confused. I need answers but I thought I would respect his decision and give him the space he needs. He texted me Monday night and said “I love you more than anything and I just need some time to myself.” I don’t know what to do. Please help! Thank you, J.
Answer: Dear J.: Every time I hear about someone “wanting space”, it really worries me. What I have seen over and over is that it’s the beginning of the end and the person asking for “space” just can’t bring himself to say it’s over. I know that’s not what you wanted to hear.
The way to get through such times is communication but if there are too many times like you are now facing…the relationship disintegrates. It’s really easy to think that a relationship can withstand anything and everything and survive…but few do. People get really tired of conflict.
I doubt that what you do or don’t do at this time will make much difference. The ball is in his court. Hang in there and if you get another chance, ask for less and give more. Blessings, Luise