He Says It’s Nothing but I’m Hurt

Question: Dear Luise: My boyfriend and I have been together for 7months. We’ve said I love you a while back. Though we are happy, there were a few disappointments/arguments. Recently, an old ex of 3 years texted him a pix of her new baby. (She broke his heart with a drug addiction, and he left her). He told me about this. She however has been texting him jokes…etc a few times. I found her number on his phone at a glance and mentioned this to him. He said it’s nothing, He hasn’t talked to her on the phone, which bugs me cause he didn’t mention she was still contacting him till I asked. (I recently wrote an ex for closure and told him of this). She was with him back in his crazy life style (he was 21, she was 17). I think I’m hurt because it’s simple but he should have told me. I understand she’s been with him when things were crazy, at best. Things I’ll never go though with him. He said it was nothing, and I have nothing to worry about. Am I over-reacting? J.

Answer: Dear J.: We know where you are coming from and where your boyfriend is coming from but we have no way to know what her intentions are. I would bring that to your boyfriend’s attention. Even if she thinks she is just being friendly, (and it’s a stretch to give her the benefit of the doubt), it could change for her as the communications continue. And she could also be misunderstanding his willingness to interact. Best to let “sleeping dogs lie.”

It’s hard to have our partner’s past be part of our present. But then, our past is part of his, too. We all have baggage. To me, it seems like over-reacting would be having a tantrum and threatening to break up, (as in high drama), and you’re not doing that.

This is a situation where caution should be used. It is naive to think you aren’t skating on thin ice. She chose drugs as her first priority, not him. He needs to remember that. Now, his commitment is to you. Why would he respond to her text messages or keep her phone number handy? The safest thing to do would be for him to wish her well and sever all connections by blocking her number on his cell. She’s a potential threat to your relationship, which is just getting started. Blessings, Luise

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