Question: Dear Luise: It’s a question that goes around and around and around. Should I be hurt that my boyfriend of 2 years looks at other women? Of course I know it’s only human for us to look at the other sex. However, am I wrong to be so hurt and to consider it so rude when he will actually stop talking to me to look at another woman? I mean any woman, not just beautiful or gorgeous figure. A woman can be crossing the street and he will follow her until he feels like not looking anymore. Anytime we are in the car driving he is always staring at women on the street, in other cars, etc. He’s not sly about it, nor does he try to hide it. He also has not told his grown children about us. I’m beginning to think I’m being used. What do you think? D.
Answer: Dear D. Not all guys do that. And not all women would be bothered by it, if they did. What you are describing is a certain level of incompatibility, it seems to me.
Again, there are probably women who wouldn’t mind not being introduced to a boyfriend’s grown children, either. But, hey, after two years, it would sure bother me.
I see “looking” as evidence of “being in the market.” I’m sure many people don’t agree but that’s my take. It seems like childish, ego-stuff and totally inappropriate in a relationship…not to mention unkind.
However, I have also seen the other side of the coin. My older sister was married to a guy like that. They had a good marriage, raised four kids together and grew old together while enjoying their grandchildren and great grandchildren. His behavior never stopped but it just didn’t bother her. We’re all different.
I doubt that you are being used but I think you are beginning to suspect that he isn’t for you. Is that what’s going on? If so, I agree. Blessings, Luise