Question: Dear Luise: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He promised me that he would never smoke marihuana again. He lied to me. He is still smoking it. I’m so upset. I don’t now what to do. Should I break up with him and how should I do that? Thanks. B.
Answer: Dear B. We all seem to have a different tolerance level when it comes to lying. Believe it or not, many people think it’s just part of what makes the world go ’round and expect it in a relationship.
To make things even more complicated, there isn’t a perfect person out there who never makes a mistake or “gives misinformation”…(and nice way to describe lying.) Since no one is perfect, our search for someone who is, is doomed before we start.
Trust is what is under this issue. If you get a promise and it is broken, where do you draw the line regarding trusting that person again? Remember, none of us are totally trustworthy either.
I have an addiction to sugar and wheat. I have sincerely promised to stop eating them. I meant it at the time but I have always failed to keep my word, eventually. I don’t make any promises to those near and dear anymore but I still make them to myself sometimes. Still, I am doing my best and feel I am making progress.
Pot is a big issue. It’s harmful no matter how much the people addicted to it say it isn’t…and it’s costly, (not to mention illegal.) I have read on the web about what it does to ambition and the brain, just to name two of the problems connected with it. I suppose you have read the same things.
I all boils down to how much you can put up with and still respect the guy. Love without respect is a pretty poor excuse to be together for most of us. If you can get that he is addicted and can’t keep his promises no matter how much he wants to, then your next step is to see if you can accept him as he is. If you can’t, then it’s time to move on.
If you come to that decision, tell him the truth. It may be that you love him but not what he does and you do not feel being with him is mutually supportive. (Use your own words, of course.) Your needs come first. Always remember that. The world is full of martyrs and I haven’t met a happy one yet. Blessings, Luise