Question: Dear Luise: I was married for 5 years happily and had a daughter when I found my husband cheating on me. We fought and he divorced me. A guy who lived in my neighborhood consoled me then and though he was much younger to me, he accepted me and my daughter and went for a relationship. We have been together for the past 3 years and now I’m 6 months pregnant with our first child. My husband never liked my decision of moving in with him but for the past 9-10 months, he has been troubling us like anything. He wants me to come back and cancel the divorce but I’m in too much love with this guy that I can’t leave him. Please tell me a perfect solution so that I can get him out of our life and both of us can live together happily and I can have my first child with him peacefully. Please help. V.
Answer: Dear V.: My personal experience is that when trust is broken, it’s gone. I was able to forgive my husband when that happened to me, however it was his decision to invalidate the marriage…not mine. He, too, wanted me back but what would have been the point? He was actually someone I didn’t know. By that I mean that the guy I had made up in my head and heart would never have done such a thing to me and our family, he was/is someone else that I would have never have picked for a life partner.
We can’t ask for perfection from anyone or offer it…but we can ask for, return and expect loyalty. My take is that you have lived through severe abuse and made a new life for yourself. You deserve the best…go for it! Blessings, Luise