Question: Hi Luise: I am in love with a man who is unwilling to commit to me. He says he cares, then shows that he doesn’t by being thoughtless. He says we’re just friends, then asks me for much more. I’m getting all kinds of mixed messages. I am in love with him. l feel very sure of that, and am consistent. Can this relationship be fixed? If so, how? Sincerely, LeAnne
Answer: Dear LeAnne: Not by you. Your guy could fix it, if that was a priority of his but it sure looks like it isn’t. You sound mature, he does not. That leaves you in love with someone who is still a child in many ways. Do you have any idea how many women marry guys like that for just that reason? They want to mother them and the guys want a Mom. It’s a no go situation because they also want to be the “in-charge” man and just aren’t up for it. Guess whose fault that usually turns out to be? Conflict can’t help but evolve out of your mothering him and his loving it/hating it. Actually, you do, too. That appears to be about all you have in common, the fact that it’s not working for either of you.
It’s time to get this out in the open. Not the dynamics, they would probably never be acknowledged, but the fact that you want more than boyish charm and inconsistancy in your life. He probably is lovable, that’s what got you into this situation. Let him know that you are going to go it alone and look for someone you can lean on occasionally and depend on more regularly. That ought to send him running for the hills. Loving someone does not guarantee that you are compatible partners. Loving can be very idealistic, and day to day living can be a drag if there isn’t any substance to back up the romance. Move on…now! Blessings, Luise