Question: Dear Luise: I am nearly six months pregnant, and single. I have one failed marriage behind me and am in my mid-twenties. I have always wanted to have kids but I just can’t find the right guy to make a life with. I am not the easiest person to live with, but I’m not impossible, either. What a mess. I’m such a failure! I work in an office and do OK, but I have a lot of potential I feel I am not realizing. I’ve been promiscuous and don’t know which of two guys is my baby’s father. I’ve talked with them and will get some help from the father when paternity is determined. I’m living in a tiny cubicle in my Mom’s house. She is going to provide my daughter’s day care after I deliver. I hope to be able to have my own place, soon. This feels so wonderful/awful that I just can’t seem to find any peace. What’s your take on all of it? Sammie
Answer: Dear Sammie: The first thing I want you to look at is your statement that you are a failure. At what, being the first person not to be perfect? In your mid-twenties, please consider the possibility that you are just getting started. You may look at classmates with big houses and great husbands and think you will never catch up but you have no idea whether you might not already be ahead. Isn’t there a small chance that the big house and the great-looking husband often don’t turn out to be “it”, either? How about just letting “it” be learning and growing? Sound doable?
You obviously have one terrific roll model. What a Mom! She may beat out both the big house and the great guy right now… for you at least. Accept her help and listen to her counsel while you also stay on the track of knowing that you want to have your own place when that’s possible. Dependence can get awfully old, very fast. I commend you for knowing that you have more to offer than your present job taps into. Keep an open mind to further schooling. As far as a man goes, have you been looking too frantically for Mr. Right? If so, your new daughter may give you an alternate focus, and the right guy may sneak up on you. Attitude is everything here. Do the gratitude thing every chance you get and let go of the negativity. Being a victim is no fun…not for you, your Mom or your future daughter. You are smack-dab in the middle of a miracle. Heads up! Blessings, Luise