Question: Dear Luise: Sisters! One of them tends to make stories up – and I don’t why. I have boundaries with her and recently she crossed them, by telling me an older neighbor from our childhood home called her a few months ago, asking about me and was I in the hospital? I recently ran into the woman at a pet store and asked her about this. She claimed she and my sister haven’t spoken to each other in over 10 years! I don’t know what to make of it. The neighbor and I have emailed and I have discovered many other total fabrications of my sister. I don’t know if I should call her out on them – or just ignore? Thank you Luise. B.
Answer: Dear B.: Whatever is going on, my take is that it’s about your sister, not you. Calling her on it would undoubtedly just cause increased problems rather than resolving a pattern of behavior that appears to have been in place for a long time. If anything is going to change, she will have to independently address her issues and personally work them though on her own or with professional help. Anyone pointing them out would probably just delay the process.
I would tell your older neighbor that you are only interested in what’s going on with her and not what your sister may have said about you to her. Be lighthearted, if possible, just saying something like you have enough going on without wondering what your sister is up to, (laugh). If the neighbor starts to confide anything more, remind her that you’re not going there and then maintain that boundary, no matter how difficult it is to do that. Blessings, Luise