Question: Dear Luise: I had the best mother in the world. She struggled to make me a doctor but unfortunately she died in front of my eyes. You cannot imagine how I feel: useless, helpless, brokenhearted. People around me think I am over this but truly I’m not. I’m still gravely sad and have really lost interest in life. I’m 34 and not married. I’m engaged and I love my fiancé. He is doing his best but he is in another city that is far away. What should I do? S.
Answer: Dear S.: I know exactly what you mean about people thinking you are past it because that’s how you look…and that’s also what they want to see.
Death is a part of life and that’s extremely difficult to accept. The only way I know of to get to the other side of grief is to go through it and not get stuck in it. I have been there many times. My mother was the first…when I was 27. The most recent was the death of my 52 year-old son.
The mind knows mothers aren’t going to live forever but the heart can’t go there. How can one go on without one’s “Mom?” By putting one foot ahead of the other, staying busy, contributing to others and feeling grateful for the love that was so generously given. We have to pull this off at the same time that we are brokenhearted and feel like we simply can’t live through the loss.
Honestly, that’s the only way. When we give up, we dishonor our loved ones and everything they wanted for us. Death is part of the natural order of things, whether we like it or not and getting that is part of growing up, a very hard part.
Your mother wanted you to have your hopes and dreams. She backed you 100%. Who could ask for more? Really? Your gift back to her is to value the life she gave you and to use it wisely.
If you have found your man, you are ahead of the game. That’s great. I would wait a while to relocate, though…one adjustment at a time. Blessings, Luise