Question: Dear Luise: 15 years ago I met a woman with a 14 years old who was skipping school and about to cause her to go to jail(as parents are held accountable). We eventually moved together and because I too was a single parent who really stresses education…so ,once I put a firm hand and discipline down this young man went from a failing to an B’s and A’s in 1 semester I knew he had potential but his mother was treating him like a baby(she has 3 older)children- We eventually broke up some eight years later and it was tulmultuous throughout our relationship because of our family values…But through it all I never stopped loving her..we rekindled our relationship AFTER BEING APART FOR MORE THAN 3 YEARS..and we decided to try again and the last 3 months have been wonderful..She never invited me over her house then I found out she lives with a guy (just a friend she says)who is putting her up until she can find an apartment..I was shocked mad but got over it because she wanted me to help her find an apartment-We did! And then I find out her son who is NOW 30…has 3 children of his own does NOT have a job or pay child support..lives with her and will be living in the NEW house…I hardly want to visit her, I still love her.. but I told her years ago she was producing a dead beat shiftless male and that is what he has become. I can’t take it another second. A.
Answer: Dear A.: You shouldn’t have to take it another second. We can love people we can’t live with. The woman was not forthcoming about her current living arrangements. Who knows what kind of relationship she had with her “roommate?” She has been less than open and honest with you. She also should have appraised you of her plans regarding your future housemates, so you could make a decision based on all of the necessary information. It doesn’t sound to me like her word means much or that you share the same values.
My take, and it’s just a guess, is that she is a user and her son comes by it naturally. And, further, that she thinks you are a better bet than her former “roommate.” I also get that you deserve a whole lot better. I suggest that you gather up your dignity and self-respect, back out, set boundaries and move on. Blessings, Luise