Question: Dear Luise: i am a 24 year old lady and recently got out of a one and half year relationship with a guy I was deeply in love with. when we met he was deeply religious and held on to the no sex before marriage rule and i was willing to respect his decisions and be with him. however one day a few weeks into the relationship he came on to me and we had sex and we did for the next one and a half years. we loved each other and everything was amazing. I fell so deep in love with him because he was the kindest person ever and he treated me with so much love and respect. it was a complete relationship and he was fine wih sex he even liked it more than me. We would talk about our dreams and I was willing to work hard at the relationship and keep it alive untill we got married finally. he would talk about how our children would be like and how wonderful it would be to spend the rest of his life with me. then suddenly one day he came to see me and said that he wants out since he cannot continue having sex. he said that he wants to go back to God and could not be with me anymore. This came as a surprise since we were getting along fine and there had not been any clash between us. I was devastated and brokenhearted. I could not understand why he did that without talking to me about it. He just bailed on the relationship as if it meant nothing to him. when i asked him he said it purely because of sex but I want to get closure and move on. Was it because he didnt love me anymore? Please help. F.
Answer: Dear F.: It isn’t your fault that the guy couldn’t live up to his unrealistic expectations of himself. He’s the one that initiated crossing the line. Remember that. It seems to me like a year and a half was plenty of time to marry and make it legal.
I my long life, I have learned that it’s a lost cause to try to figure others out. It’s just not possible. We just get stuck in trying to make sense of the senseless. My guess, if I had to make one would be that he found someone else. Otherwise, I think he would find leaving you very painful, if he tought he had to do that. He found a way to rationalize writing you off that worked for him. My take is that you are lucky that happened when it did because who would want such a callous, thoughtless partner? You didn’t know until that happened that he was capable of such behavior but you do now. Let it go and thank your lucky stars that you are free of his definition of love…which I suspect is more a love of himself than anything else. You deserve so much better. Blessings, Luise