I’m Separated and Just Want to Go Out Casually

Question: Dear Luise: I am a 38 and have been separated from my husband for 9 months.  He has traveled almost constantly during the past 3 years and has been with other women.  I have given him a time frame to find a job locally or I am filing for divorce after 16 years of marriage and 2 children. I have recently become attracted to a younger man, and I know he shares my attraction.  I am not looking for a serious relationship with anyone but I would like to just go out with him casually.  I know I am still married, but I have not been on my husband’s priority list for a very long time. He hasn’t worn his wedding ring for over a year.  I cannot stay in this limbo with him forever.  I’ve told him the ball is in his court. Should I just forget about attractive, younger guy? V.

Answer: Dear V. “Just going out casually” never works. It gets much more complicated than that, usually very quickly. I think you know that the “feeling of attraction” in consenting adults can often have a life of its own…more often than not making things worse in a situation like yours.

You are separated for good reason and you have stated your terms. I’m just wondering what you would have if your husband did get a job close to home. It doesn’t sound like much. For starters, how is working close by going to keep him from being with other women or get him to wear his wedding ring?

Keep your record clean and spend your free time with your female friends…maybe not as interesting as the younger guy but a lot wiser for the time being. Blessings, Luise

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