My grandfather was a much-loved pastor and so was my son. Through that experience, I learned that they were just imperfect people doing a good job, (some of the time at least), of inspiring others. They weren’t an extension of God and they didn’t “know all.”

If we give pastors special powers and let them make our choices for us, I think, personally, that it’s a cop-out. We can all seek spiritual guidance without having to go through another human being to get it. That’s how we learn and grow into mature, responsible people who make wise choices.

Christianity can be a wonderful path to follow or it can be a way to “be right”, which I don’t see as being wonderful. It can be one-upmanship that puts others down and doesn’t live up to it’s own principals. The same can be true of any religion because it’s up to the believer how it’s lived.

I would suggest you back off and look elsewhere for a partner. Love needs a lot of support to thrive and such differing beliefs aren’t supportive. Blessings, Luise

Answer: Dear Greta: It sure sounds like you are ready to put some depth into your life. That’s one way to look at retreats. There are many ways to use the word, as you know, and therefore many kinds of retreats. I tend to see them as expansive.

I take it that you are interested in what I do and why I do it, and maybe what I get out of it in the hopes that you may find a prototype for something you could add to your own life that would expand it in some way. Since you are married, like I am, you will need the support of your spouse to pursue this highly individualized path.

I have a place that I created for myself for retreats simply because I don’t have the financial resources to travel to exotic retreat sites and use costly facilities. I think that would probably be wonderful…but for me it’s just not practical.

First, lets look at the place. My little retreat-house, which I call “Cocoon”, is an old, 27 foot, vintage travel trailer in a camping club. It’s only ten miles from my home in a deep forest. However, the proximity is not as important as finding a quiet and peaceful site. I’m just lucky not to have to spend a lot of driving time to get there.

The use varies. I have gone out there for as long as ten days and focused only on meditation. I have also gone when I was physically weary or grieving so I could rest up and get my energy and balance back. I have taken retreats that have included power-walks for fitness and some have been with my daughter, brainstorming on how she could move through something she felt was blocking her in her life. (I have a tiny “guest-shed” for that purpose.) Some retreats have been to study something I sincerely wanted to know more about or to do a project I’d been putting off, like finishing a photo album.

Most of my retreats incorporate several of the above components. What none of them ever include is a phone, radio or TV. I have a cell for emergencies…but I haven’t had to use it so far. (Knock on wood!)

My suggestion is that you look closely at your needs and resources. Rent spaces to see what works best for you before buying a trailer or cabin. Experiment with different time frames and vary your activities. Your heart will respond and be forever grateful. Blessings, Luise

Answer: Dear Tom: About all I can do is point you to a door or two. Your friends who meditate may be willing to do the same thing. I have always found meditation an interesting subject but I am a very long way from being even minimally informed.

I was introduced to meditation through a Catholic church I once attended. Their Institute of Spirituality teaches the Centering Prayer, which is a centuries old form of meditation. I think it was the first time I was formally introduced to the intrinsic value of focused silence. Up until then, I had loved long, quiet walks in the woods, alone, and solitary times to reflect…but I had never had such experiences defined as a type of pre-meditative state that could be refined through study and group sessions.

My eldest son was very interested in a different type of meditation called Vipassana. He went often to organized, ten-day sessions where they meditated for ten hours a day…every day. They have a website you can visit at www.dhamma.org .

Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, has written several books highlighting two different types of meditation. One is called Tonglen. I have found her easy to read and understand. A full selection with reviews on each is available at www.amazon.com .

I also have a close friend who has learned Kriya Yoga Meditation from the teachings of Yogananda. She attends their Self Realization Fellowship every year in California and practices independently the rest of the year. Go to www.yogananda-srf.org .

My point here is that it seems to me to be a very individualistic thing and probably deserves an investigative approach to find a “match”. Certainly, there is much to be said for quieting the mind and getting in touch with what is beyond its natterings. It can be very healthy, in my opinion, to add a spiritual dimension to our physical and very materialistic existence through some form of meditation on a regular basis.

I have read various comments about the difference between meditation and prayer but that too can be a very personal distinction. Generally, meditation is less of a petition and more a process of an “accessing” and then just hanging out there. That’s an oversimplification, of course, and I know serious teachers would probably cringe.

Your curiosity will carry you far if you just take it slow and easy. Blessings, Luise

Answer: Dear Mark: Well, that’s quite a compliment. I really appreciate your vote of confidence.

Through my long life, my personal perceptions and beliefs about an afterlife have evolved into a kind of comfort-zone of my own making. Part of it has come from my experience as a nurse. It’s a profession that requires the acceptance of death as part of your day-to-day interfacing with patients and their families. I also lost my Mom and two sons in my twenties, so death just kept getting closer and closer to home.

The very fact that this subject interests you is probably an indication that you aren’t convinced that when it’s over…it’s over. That’s an assumption on my part. I have to make them often as I interact with the people who write to me. I would also guess that you are fairly young…which is a great time to start pondering these issues.

I have read many books through the years on this subject, of which three stand out as books I would recommend to others. The first is Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ “On Death and Dying”. It’s a groundbreaker because it contains no basic premises stemming from organized religion. She was a psychiatrist and she reported near-death experiences that had a recognizable pattern.

The second is “Testimony of Light” by Helen Greaves. A former Episcopalian nun contacted her after dying. The book is an account of the nun’s experience. Sanctioned by the Church of England, it is a very interesting concept to wrap your mind around.

The last one, I just recently read and it is perhaps the most challenging. The name of it is “Aaron’s Crossing” by Linda Dewey. You might want to see what these three books offer you in new perspectives and a broader view.

I guarantee these authors will set you to thinking. You sound delightfully open-minded. I can’t imagine a finer attribute when pondering the question “what comes next” and other related thoughts about an afterlife. Blessings, Luise

Answer: Dear Larae: What an interesting dilemma. Parents who foist their beliefs on their kids are loudly criticized but those who don’t may be dropping the ball, too. And the little kid hasn’t a clue. They go where their parents have an investment or to the Summer Bible School that offers the most goodies.

This is a touchy subject because many parents feel very strongly that they have the moral duty to expose their children to organized religion and it’s many tenants. I’m sure that you are right in saying that those who don’t are also creating a belief system as well.

I chose to take my kids to church, mostly because I was young and that’s what my parents did. I brought my two surviving sons up in the Episcopal Church. How it all turned out was that one became an active Buddhist after originally being an alter boy and the other is an atheist after becoming an ordained Assembly of God Youth Pastor. That doesn’t bother me…they grew up and established their own paths and that’s their business.

Good for you for being curious and cautious…a great combination. If you have a college close by why don’t you take a course on The World’s Great Religions? Or there are some fine books, videos and DVDs on the subject. Make a study on your own and see what you come up with.

Man has traditionally been asking, “What’s It All About, Alfy?” since the beginning of time. We seek structure, purpose and protection. There are countless ways to do this. You have been given a structure of sorts because you were taught the values and beliefs of your parents. If you want more…don’t settle for less. Blessings, Luise

Answer: Dear Mike: A vast and somewhat illusive subject, however, I’ll give it a shot. It is my belief that we are being quite naïve when we have the expectation that we will evolve beyond our own brokenness. I’m sure many will take exception to my view, and that’s fine. I just think that we often misunderstand what a spiritual search is for. We can’t escape life and the situations it brings us, but we can learn to cope. That’s the ticket.

Isn’t self-understanding the aim of most seeking…with self-discovery and self-esteem the ideal? We can tear down walls and discover new tools, but we are still a complex composite of the past and the scars it has left us with.

For me, and that’s the only person I can speak about with any authority, the idea of a totally together, absolutely able, infinitely predictable and successful self has come and gone. I have parts of me that have progressed to a peaceful state and parts of me that are still struggling to find the way and see the light. In my view, that’s par for the course because we are all multi-sided and complex.

Some of us were abused as children and some of us think we were. Some of us have stronger constitutions than others, and some of us have horribly stacked decks. I often marvel at how a small concern can stop one person and yet a huge problem fails to daunt another. The variations seem infinite.

My suggestion is that you use the tools that your search has given you to provide you with new solutions and perspectives. Pass on perfection and when you can, seek to demonstrate in your actions what you believe in your heart. Have compassion for all of it, your whole life experience. Embrace your residual brokenness and celebrate your healings with joy. Blessings, Luise

Answer: Dear Andy: That’s a tough question. As you move on through school you may find that truth can often be a very slippery and fleeting thing while doubt emerges as a sign of wisdom. Absolutes come and go and blacks and whites fade into grays. Have you ever watched a serious debate? It can be very unnerving to find so much that is convincing from two opposite points of view. You can also read different sets of well-documented statistics on a subject and find that they each “prove” opposing concepts. Separate, well-written books published by distinguished authors can be for or against an issue or principle leaving your hopes for one clear and truthful outcome unfulfilled.

When you enter into the spiritual domain, it can get even more dicey. Authorities abound with impressive credentials, yet when you try to seek out an absolute truth, one authority’s approach will often refute another’s and fear may be added to the mix. It’ s wise to be well read and it is also wise not to believe everything you read. Parents often tell their children the “truth” and forget to add, “as I see it.” In the end, you will have to go with your intuition, your gut and your horse sense. Settle for what works for you intellectually and emotionally based on information that appeals to your conceptual boundaries. And, if you can, stay open at the same time to broaden you own, individual truths as you travel the road of life and experience. Blessings, Luise

Answer: Dear Judy: That’s a pretty loaded question…since there are probably as many perceptions of what it means as there are people using the term. I take it that you are serious, so I will give it a shot, even though using the dictionary would probably serve you better.

First of all you need to consider where the person that is becoming enlightened is coming from. Do you see that for a small child it might be about learning to tie shoes? Often we equate accomplishment with enlightenment, in such instances. In a New Age application, where is it most commonly used, it is often about spiritual movement upward toward all that is holy. How to “get there from here” has filled countless books, and has been dissected in as many seminars. And certainly you have heard someone say, “Let me enlighten you”. That is primarily about setting you straight on something you seem to not know enough about that makes you appear lacking. There is also the “ta-da’ kind of enlightenment when there is a spontaneous blossoming or burst of knowing that is usually equated with inspiration. If you are personally seeking enlightenment, this isn’t the place. Hit the library and the web, go to church, talk with others, take a class and create your own definition when you feel ready. Blessings, Luise

Answer: Dear Brett: There are many meditation experts out there and right off the bat you should know that I’m not one of them. I’m sure you’re right that anything interruptive is not encouraged in some schools of thought. The opposite side of the coin is that when there are so many approaches, I feel like there is the open opportunity to personalize it. I happen to agree with you in that I don’t want to lose those precious little insights. To that end, I keep a hand-held tape recorder nearby to speak into at will. Then, when I am done, I transfer what I have said into a notebook, since I want to take what I’ve learned into the practical aspects of my life.

There are so many different ways to meditate…even some of them with different goals. I would recommend Paul Fleischman’s “Cultivating Inner Peace” for a great introduction to Vipassana Meditation and Pema Chodron’s writings for an introduction to Tonglin Meditation. I particularly like the Tonglin approach because it keeps my mind busy, but she also teaches a variety of Consciousness Meditation that involves stilling the mind. Your co-reference to meditation/prayer appeals to me because I feel they are so interrelated. Blessings, Luise

Answer: Dear Meri: This is something that you have to formulate for yourself. It’s a great question, yet one to which only you can find your own “right” answer. There are books out there representing every faith that offer answers from each and every point of view. There are also wonderful CDs, videos and DVDs. My personal belief wouldn’t be of any use to you.

The very fact that this question comes up for you indicates you are ready to research it. I think you will find a common thread throughout everything you read, if you seriously embark on pursing this further. Even when you look beyond the world’s great religions, you will find reference to it in psychology and many of the other sciences. I would also suggest study groups and classes of inquiry where you can exchange your emerging concepts with others. Know in advance that there is no single answer…no “one-size-fits-all” doctrine. Beware of anyone who says there is. All anyone can say is what works for them and why. The choice is yours. Blessings, Luise

Answer: Dear Mary: Many thanks for bringing such an interesting question to light. I wonder if you haven’t actually asked it for a lot of people. Your parents did one heck of a job, didn’t they? Perhaps it goes back farther than that, in your family history. Please get, if you haven’t already, that they probably thought such a foundation would serve you. They wanted to protect you from doubt and error, and fear seemed a dandy way to implement that. Now, as a fully mature adult you still are caught in the web.

You have come a long way, already, Mary. You are thinking for yourself and questioning what would work best for you. You have pulled away and you are wondering why you still feel trapped. Is there a college close to you? If so, why not enroll in a course on comparative religions? Or take one on-line or get some good books on the subject. It sounds like you are ready to expand a bit and see what the rest of the world has been doing, while you were fenced in. If you decide to do that, notice, as you read about the many varieties of Christians, and also about Hindus, Buddhists and the other major faiths…that in each one there is the premise that “this is the way”. In every doctrine that you investigate, parents down through the ages have taught their offspring that they must embrace what the parents found to be a working philosophy. I think this process might give you some distance from your conditioning and offer you some freedom. Wait and see, lightning won’t strike! Blessings, Luise

Answer: Dear Glen: You are so far ahead of the pack! Do you know that? Many of us do just what you’re describing for a whole lifetime and never even notice it. And no, it isn’t easy to break such habits. Your greatest fuel is your desire to connect with something beyond the mundane and to value that possibility above all else. The most serious deterrent is just what you mentioned, being in your head.

I read a very interesting article in the magazine, Spirituality and Health, recommending a book by Laurel Mellin called “The Pathway”. They described the author as starting out addressing weight loss and in the process creating a method to connect with feelings. The end result was/is spiritual in nature, a way to be present and accounted for. There are many other avenues you can consider. Take a look at the web site www.TUT.com , for instance.

Once you know what you don’t have, the search can begin in earnest. Your commitment to yourself will lead you to what will work best for you. Above all else, don’t “settle”. Also, there is no “right” way to do what you want to do. No “one-answer-fits-all” dogma out there. Give anyone who tells you that a wide berth. You’re one-of-a-kind, like a snowflake, and you are opening up to unlimited possibilities in your concept of who you are and what you’re about. Go exploring! Blessings! Luise