Question: Dear Luise: I would like to ask you what you think about bachelor parties? I’m getting married in four months and my college friends are already starting in on what a wild bash they are going to have for me. I have to admit that I have been party to setting up and attending the same kind of affair more than once, but I haven’t attended one in several years. Frankly, they have gotten to look pretty adolescent to me. Right out of college, when several of my frat buddies go married, it was fun. We really let the “doomed” guy have it, and we all rejoiced in our “freedom”. It now looks totally inappropriate to me. I’ve been out of school for six years and out of touch with many of the guys who want to put this thing on. Even as I read this, it sounds like I’ve turned into an old Grinch. Any thoughts? Dan
Answer: Dear Dan: You don’t sound like a Grinch to me…you sound like someone’s who’s become more man than boy. Part of you may even be mourning the loss of that carefree, college guy. However, the rest of you wants to be present for your wedding, not hung over. Good plan.
It may not be easy to do, but I suggest you follow your instincts and pass on the “girl-in-the-cake/everyone smashed” event. By now there should be at least a few of your friends who agree, even if silently. Let them know that you appreciate their well-wishes, but no thanks. And make it clear that you’re looking forward to connecting with them again at the wedding.
You may be accused of doing it because you are already under your future wife’s thumb. If so, tell them that’s almost true, you are under her “spell”, and the last thing you want to do is ruin her/your wedding day. If respect is a weakness, then fess up to it. Your old life was about them. Your new life is about her.
This is an admirable way to start that new life…standing up for what you believe in and refusing to cave under peer pressure. It will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life, in the corporate world if that’s where you’re headed and yes, even in marriage. Blessings, Luise