Question: Dear Luise: I just moved in with a man that I have been dating for a year and a half. I had gastric bypass about 2 years ago and lost over 200 pounds, which at the age of 50 has left my body not in the best of shape. He told me that he had always dated small women and that he was having an issue with my body. Then he said he was getting use to my body. We do not have sex. He said that he has problems. He seems to do well with foreplay but will not have sex with me. He also is not working now and has been out of work for over a year. I have a great paying job and I am buying and paying for everything. I am starting to think that he is just using me because we get along well and I have a good income. We talked about marriage but after I moved in he decided that he wants to put marriage off for a while. Do you have any suggestions for me? C.
Answer: Dear C.: I am wondering why you moved in with him…since most of this was already going on. What motivated you? What did you expect?
This is the age-old question of whether “getting on well” is enough? Is it? If so, you may not mind picking up the tab. When roles are reversed, some women marry with the express purpose of being supported and not having to work. His decision not to marry may tell you something. The question is what? Was that just bait to get you to move in and start paying the bills?
This could be totally cleared up if you communicated with each other on the subject. It’s impossible to “read” people correctly on a regular basis. Ask him! And if you don’t trust his answers and think he is lying and/or telling you what you want to hear, factor those perceptions into your future plans.
There’s nothing wrong with having a sexless relationship, if it suits all parties concerned. Big “if.” There’s also nothing wrong with one person supporting another person. Where the problems arise is in not knowing what’s going on so you can make your choices based on solid information. Ask and see what happens. Blessings, Luise