Is This a Bait and Switch Relationship

Question: Dear Luise: I just moved in with a man that I have been dating for a year and a half. I had gastric bypass about 2 years ago and lost over 200 pounds, which at the age of 50 has left my body not in the best of shape. He told me that he had always dated small women and that he was having an issue with my body. Then he said he was getting use to my body. We do not have sex. He said that he has problems. He seems to do well with foreplay but will not have sex with me. He also is not working now and has been out of work for over a year. I have a great paying job and I am buying and paying for everything. I am starting to think that he is just using me because we get along well and I have a good income. We talked about marriage but after I moved in he decided that he wants to put marriage off for a while. Do you have any suggestions for me? C.

Answer: Dear C.: I am wondering why you moved in with him…since most of this was already going on. What motivated you? What did you expect?

This is the age-old question of whether “getting on well” is enough? Is it? If so, you may not mind picking up the tab. When roles are reversed, some women marry with the express purpose of being supported and not having to work. His decision not to marry may tell you something. The question is what? Was that just bait to get you to move in and start paying the bills?

This could be totally cleared up if you communicated with each other on the subject. It’s impossible to “read” people correctly on a regular basis. Ask him! And if you don’t trust his answers and think he is lying and/or telling you what you want to hear, factor those perceptions into your future plans.

There’s nothing wrong with having a sexless relationship, if it suits all parties concerned. Big “if.” There’s also nothing wrong with one person supporting another person. Where the problems arise is in not knowing what’s going on so you can make your choices based on solid information. Ask and see what happens. Blessings, Luise

2 Responses to Is This a Bait and Switch Relationship

  1. E. April 10, 2009 at 7:07 am #

    My husband the other night brought up getting a divorce while having a “heart to heart” talk with me which he never has done in such manner before. And then the next day when he came home was patting my butt and being all loving.Is he doing the bait and switch on me? What is going on? I am so confused! E.

    • Luise April 12, 2009 at 9:30 am #

      Dear E. You are probably confused because he is. When another person behaves in a erratic way and is inconsistent, there usually isn’t any way to make sense of it. You will eventually figure out what’s going on, even if he doesn’t. Blessings, Luise

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