Question: Dear Louise: I’m 17 years old and am having a problem with my friend. She and I have been so close for the past two years and have told eachother everything. I trusted her with so much and shed tell me things she wouldnt even tell her family. The problem started when I developed feelings for the boy she’s liked for years. Theyre family friends and he knows she likes him and has told her many times he’s not interested and that he thinks of her as a sister. He and I have been friends for a while and he’s always been there for me and is one of the only boys who understands me and likes to talk to me. He might like me we get along so well and it feels natural and not forced when we talk. He smiles whenever he sees me. One day at my friends party she saw us flirting. I could tell she was mad. The next day she texted me asking if I liked him. I told her I did and she went insane. She said I have no right to like him and that I violated the girl code. She said I’m a bad friend and that I should be ashamed of myself. Her sister and cousin yelled at me too. After a week of this I finally apologized and said I wouldnt go out with him which was a lie. I did that to get her off my back. I wish I didn’t apologize but I didn’t want this argument to go on. I dont think I’m wrong she doesn’t own him and can’t control what I do. A real friend would understand. Even after apologizing she won’t talk to me. Everyone says I’m wrong for liking him but i don’t see it. She knows he doesn’t like her but she refuses to move on. She has so many guys who like her but she’s so obsessed with him that she pushes them away. I really like him and see potential for us as a couple. I don’t know what to do I miss her but I don’t want to give up on him especially since he’s made it clear to her many times he’s not interested. Please see where I’m coming from this is really hard for me to deal with and everyone even my parents are taking her side. M.
Answer: Dear M.: My take is that you are the only mature one in the bunch. I’m serious. He’s not “taken” because your friend is taken with him and has been for far too long. She needs to honor his right to choose and so does everyone else. I can’t begin to understand where your parents are coming from unless they want you to stay a little girl and not become attached. Not gonna’ happen.
Friendships are often tested. What you have isn’t a friend. She is selfish and childish in my view. The fact that she has everyone voting on this issue and it is against you…indicates she may be quite a successful manipulator in the bargain. Let her know that your sadness is not that you made a mistake but that she is continuing to do so. Then, move on. The guy is SO lucky! Both of you are! Blessings, Luise