Am I the Other Woman?

Question: Dear Luise: I met a man recently and we got along quite well, with many common interests.  The first two dates ended up being at my house, to get to know each other.  He then asked me out to dinner, but canceled at the last minute, and rescheduled for the next day.  We did go out to eat, and he visited for a short time (week night).  He asked if he could call in the morning while I drive to work, but then would often say he would, and end up not calling because he was busy (already at work).  He was supposed to call one morning – then I didn’t hear from him after over a week.  When he finally called, he asked to see me the next evening.  I said okay.  He called that evening and said he had to do a couple of things and would be over.  At 8:30 PM he called and said he was so sorry, but had to pick up his daughter and drive her home and he needed to figure out how to get her a car so this won’t happen again.  (He is divorced, has a 17 year-old daughter who just moved out of her mother’s home).  I try to be understanding and like when a child is important to a man. He says he ended a 14-year relationship a year ago and hasn’t really dated at all.  However, the canceling and not calling when he says he will is beginning to ring of a man in a relationship and is cheating – with me!  Any thoughts? P.

Answer: Dear P.: You are just guessing and that is a pretty hopeless pastime.

Whatever his reasons, his lack of reliability and his inconsistency would drive me nuts. Other people might take it easily in their stride; it’s a personal thing, of course. But since you wrote to me about it, it sounds like it doesn’t work well for you and you don’t trust him.

What’s going on is about him, his priorities and the way he carries through with his plans. The other side of the coin is that it can be interpreted as a lack of interest, inconsideration and/or something worse.

I don’t see him as ready to give much of himself. It feels pretty one-sided to me with you, more often than not, left holding the bag…metaphorically. If that promotes stress and dissatisfaction on your part, I doubt if you are going to find it worth following up on for very long. Personally, I think you deserve better. Blessings, Luise

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