Question: Dear Luise: My son is getting married this June, I have a granddaughter that will be 23months old at the time of the wedding. His only niece by his only sister. I recently lost my husband their father to lung cancer, and my granddaughter was my gift from god that helped me get throught this. I am very very close to her. Now the Brides parents are saying she is not invited, because they have eleven little ones one (cousins) on that side of their family and if my grandaughter comes someone on their side might get made. So what If my daughter and her husband are refusing to go to the wedding because they are so made, I even think I may not go because I am so hurt. I am so up set, hurting my son like this, we have been through a lot and are very close to each other. But I feel like they could include her for this. I think if they had grandchildren they would understand a little more. Please advise if I am being unreasonable. J.
Answer: Dear J.: I would suggest that you leave it alone. It’s their wedding and it’s about them and what they want and don’t want. Also, because weddings are predominantly focused on the bride, what her family prefers often carries more weight. A two year-old is not going to know if she was invited or not…and it just isn’t the right time to make waves. Don’t boycott the wedding by staying away or by making your opinions known. Go and rejoice.
When my son married they made that rule and offered on-site babysitters but one couple (relatives with little children that had come from a long distance), left because they were insulted. I had no opinion one way or the other but I thought it was in poor taste to make it about them selves and cause the spotlight to shine on them and their displeasure.
My motto, and I know it is ridiculous, is “What difference will it make 100 years from now?” (I told you it was ridiculous!) However, it has gotten me past a lot of roadblocks. Blessings, Luise