On Again Off Again Guy
Question: Dear Luise: Well, I’ve never done this before so it’s a little hard. There’s this guy that I really like and he told me that he likes me too, but he’s being a little distant now. I really don’t understand what happened. We were talking non-stop for a whole week. (He was calling me.) Then he automatically stopped. There was this period of time where he was being kind of cold to me. Then today he wrote me a nice message that I ignored so it would seem like I didn’t care. But I think it backfired. I really don’t understand why he’s being this way. Please help me. B.
Answer: Dear B.: You did a great job of posing a question and I’m glad to give you my take on it.
The guy is sending you mixed message for sure. And by not responding, you are turning it into a game and pretending you’re not interested. So, aren’t you doing the same thing and sending mixed messages, too?
You could have responded with something like, “Hey, good to hear from you again. What’s been going on with you lately?” You’d come across as friendly and glad to hear from him but independent and unconcerned. Isn’t that your goal?
It’s going to serve you well to learn, as soon as you can, that we can never figure other people out. It’s a huge waste of time to even try. Most of us have enough trouble trying to figure out where we are coming from ourselves and why, moment to moment. Also, actions often speak louder than words; keep that in mind and observe what others do, as well.
When we have a solid communication base with another person we can ask what’s going on with them. It may change from moment to moment or day to day…or they may not know…(or perhaps they won’t tell us the truth.) However, it beats guessing.
Take the guy at face value if and when you hear from him again…and branch out from there. Compare him to other guys and see how he measures up. He is inconsistent, yes, but what else? Look at your own preferences and see where your inconsistencies are; we all have them. What’s on the positive side with him? What are his good points? We never find perfect friends and that’s lucky because we can’t be perfect, either. Blessings, Luise
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