Question: Dear Luise: I’m 13 years old. I have a 17 year-old who loves me and it’s kind of worrying me. He has never done anything to harm me and he has never been nasty to me. He’s always kind and sweet to me, and I really like that of him. I have fallen in love with him and it scares me. I went out with him two months ago and he really made me happy. My mum warned him off me, unaware that I was going out with him, but I’m still going out with him, now. The thing is; am I making the right decision? I haven’t told my parents and I find it hard to meet up with him. But when I do meet up with him, it makes me feel warm inside, and I don’t know what I’m going to do. J.
Answer: Dear J.: It’s hard to get that your parents are your best friends but they are. They are more interested in your safety and happiness than even the nicest boy. They support you 100% and back your hopes and dreams. (As you know, that doesn’t mean that they always give you your own way because they are too protective to ever do that.) Lying to them and sneaking around is not the right decision. And a boy who would encourage that may not as nice as he seems.
Four years older is a problem. You will learn a lot and grow a great deal in the next four years. You won’t be the same person you are now. My last boyfriend was sixteen years older than I am. I married him twenty years ago when we were both already grandparents. My point is that you won’t find age differences to be such an issue as the years go by…but they are now. The guy you are writing to me about is someplace you haven’t gotten to yet. It isn’t safe or in your best interest to try to skip four years to be where he is.
You are very wise to question whether you are on the right track or not and even wiser to ask for some help with your questions. Be even smarter than that and break it off. Trust your parents and enjoy being their daughter. Listen to them and appreciate the fact that you have them between you and the world for a little longer. Blessings, Luise
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