Question: Dear Luise: How can I learn to cope with a lazy daughter in law who keeps my grand kids living environment a messy, nasty house and dresses my granddaughter as if she does not have any nice clothes to wear to school and won’t dress her in nice things that I bought for school? J.
Answer: Dear J. You learn to cope with her by learning to cope with you son’s choice. We don’t get to pick our children’s spouses and sometimes I think that custom has some merit. They are young when they choose a mate, (just like we were), and they have very little going for them except luck. When it comes to a life-partner, it doesn’t seem fair to have to settle for the luck of the draw.
Most of the time our adult children don’t ask us what we think, and when they do, it may not affect their decisions. I use the term “adult” very loosely here because it takes most of us, myself included, a long time to become mature and wise. Most of us don’t start out that way and most of us pick a mate when we don’t have a clue.
The ball is now in your son’s court, so to speak. He’s made his choice and how his house is kept and how his children are dressed are up to your son and his wife. That’s a bitter pill to swallow, I know, especially when you have contributed clothes you feel are suitable for your granddaughter…that are not being used or properly taken care of.
That’s just the way it is. Your son created a new family unit and you are not an integral part of it. It’s often pretty hard to face that fact. When our children are born they are 100% our business…and that continues for many years. When it’s over, it is sometimes hard to accept. None-the-less, it is over when they leave home and establish family units themselves and we have to back off. Blessings, Luise