Question: Dear Luise: I’ve been married for 19 years now. I left my husband about a year ago because he molested my niece (age 13) when she was in our care. He’s always had sexual issues. Deep ones. But, I never thought he cheated. I just thought he pleased himself, hopefully you know what I mean by this. I raised his two daughters from age 2 and 4 and was unable to have any of my own. We have 5 grandchildren to whom I adore. I know if we divorce my relationship with the girls and grandchildren will change. I feel so confused because I’m afraid of the loss I will endure. Since we’ve split up we’ve been back and forth. I know I’m not happy with him but not sure if I don’t love him. I do love him but I’m afraid. He still lingers back to his old sexual issues…porn and stuff. I want it all gone. He never communicates with me. I feel like I’m just here most the time. I love him we have so much history together. After discovering his molesting problem I found out he’s done this before more than once. He went to therapy and was told he’s a sex addict. I’m so afraid he hasn’t changed and I just want a normal life. I’m thinking of telling him I don’t love him anymore but that’s not entirely true. I do love him but I’m I in love with him? I don’t think so anymore. I’m so confused. L.
Answer: Dear L. There can be a huge difference between loving someone and being able to live compatibly with someone. The man is a sexual deviate and you are not. You are not the person altering the family dynamics…he is! There isn’t even the remote possibility of a normal life around him. He is NOT normal!
Gather your self-respect around you and put as much distance between you as you can. Surely his daughters know. If they don’t, your grandchildren are in jeopardy. Don’t think for a minute that they are safe. Deviates prey on family!
If you feel the need for support, get counseling yourself. There is also a big difference between confusion and fear. You fear change but you can’t possibly be confused about what needs to be done. Blessings, Luise
Back in 94 my two sons started telling me my brothers had sexually abused them. My question to you is would I have not seen something was wrong? My youngest son would have been 3 years old then. M.
Your two sons have been telling you this for 15 years and you are still in denial and trying to find a way to discredit them?