Question: Dear Luise: I am in my teens and I have an incredible boyfriend. He is very sweet, respectful, kind, and kind of old-fashioned. Most impotently, my mother approves of him (and that’s really hard for her). Even though he is wonderful, I’m just not sure of how our relationship is going. I like him a lot but at times he is a little scared to touch me. We have been going out for about 3 months and he barely kisses me… he’s too much of a gentleman at times… and I keep getting offers from other guys…. what should I do? C.
Answer: Dear C. The most serious stumbling block in any relationship at any age is the lack of honest communication. It brings about a situation where one person is trying to figure out what the other person is thinking and/or feeling and we can seldom do that very effectively.
I can give you some guesses but you actually need to ask your boyfriend how he feels about warm, loving, physical contact and share with him whatever’s going on with you.
There is often a huge difference between how a girl interprets kissing and the way a boy sees it. We are inclined to put a romantic spin on it. They may try to do that but they usually experience it as sexual. Romance doesn’t always require sex and sex doesn’t necessarily include romance. Most teenage boys respond quickly to physical affection and their bodies want to immediately interact sexually, no matter what their minds and hearts say. If your boyfriend is an “old fashioned”, (respectful,) person, this may be a lot for him to deal with.
In addition, the boy is often the kiss-initiator and that is a skill that doesn’t come easily for many. Fear of rejection can rear its ugly head and mess things up.
It sounds like you may have found a great guy but if you really don’t want to be in a relationship, that’s another thing altogether. It’s perfectly OK to play the field. Just remember that the others that are interested in you may be interested in just one thing and physical contact is always part of that. It gets them where they want to go. They are the kind you mother will NOT like.
You and your boyfriend are both on a learning curve. If he really appeals to you, take this opportunity to learn the communication skills that will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life. Blessings, Luise
No comments yet.