Question: Dear Luise: I used to date a guy in high school when we were 16. Now, 18 years later, we meet again and have been having an affair for about 8 months. We love each other so much but there is a problem…we are both married. I know it is wrong but how do we say goodbye to each other when we love each other so much? Q.
Answer: Dear Q.: It is so easy to get into an affair and so hard to get out of one.
One of the drawing cards, of course, is that it is new and carries none of the established routines and heavy responsibilities that a seasoned marriage does. Novelty and infatuation are heady stuff. It’s easy to call them love…and it’s even easier to forget how unreliable they are. Also, when you have them “part time”, they tend to linger.
It sounds like you have weighed all of your options and gotten that you need to “grow where you’re planted.” If that is the case…cold turkey is the only way out. You can’t say anything new that hoards of unfaithful couples haven’t said before you. It’s an old, old set of dynamics. And there’s no way that I know of to “just be friends” after you have crossed the line.
You may want to find a counselor to help you deal with the reality of the situation. Many people require support to successfully do what you have decided to take on. And good for you for seeing clearly what needs to be done regarding the clouded and emotional issues you have brought into your life. Blessings, Luise
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