Comments on: My Daughter-in-law is Causing Serious Problems

By: Luise Volta

Luise Volta — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 20:26:39 +0000

J. Please bring your issue over to my Web-forum at http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com where you will have the benefit of a community of caring women to help you sort it out. From what you say, I don’t blame your husband…he’s just done with it. Yes, damaage was done but he didn’t cause it…it was already there and just not faced.

By: J.

J. — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 07:58:10 +0000

I have 2 daughter in laws who hate each other . over the past few years there have been many arguements . my husband and i have refused to take sides but have had to endure watching this erode the once very close relationship between our two sons,
we have always been a close family and finally today my husband lost control and snapped saying and almost coming to fists with our youngest and then driving to our eldest sons and doing the same with him and his wife and telling them to sort it out. we were all in tears by the end and i feel this may have caused irrepairable damage to my husband and sons relationships Whrer do we go from here? J.

By: R.

R. — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 13:07:56 +0000

Well I’m at the other end of this issue…being as I’m a daughter-in-law living with my husband’s family, and I can tell you that the things you as a mother-in-law don’t see as an issue…really are. Louise stated that the fact that since you’re sons are married they (wives) would like them to be on their own and independent. This is really true. I hate it when my MIL does too much for my husband, because he immediately reverts to being HER child instead of my husband. I’ve actually initiated this living arrangement with my inlaws because I felt that I really want my daughter to know her family, what I wasn’t betting on was my husband WANTING to live with his parents indefinitely, he just thinks it’s so much easier for him (and for me) having someone ‘help’ so much with day to day things AND our daughter. I on the other hand feel that he uses his mother like a crutch so that he can be more free…and personally I LIKE to do everything for my husband, it’s something that I can feel proud about. But what REALLY REALLY REALLY irks me is the fact that ALL of my ‘power’ has been taken away, and she just ‘naturally’ treats me as her CHILD. I’m not a child. I like to decide what we’re going to eat for dinner, I like to decide what kind of laundry detergent to use, I like to wake up early to get my daughter breakfast…but it’s a million little things like those that she’s taken from me. We can’t even make love when the mood strikes, we have to wait until the whole house is asleep and then we have to be VERY quiet…how romantic is that? What makes it even worse is that HIS MOTHER HAD THE SAME COMPLAINTS about her husband’s mother, and yet she turns around and does the same thing to me. And my husband is just as much to blame as his mother because he’ll listen to her over me…yeah it’s his mother but that part of his life should be over, he married me. R.

By: Luise

Luise — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 18:35:08 +0000

Unfortunately, sons often pick women who don’t fit into the family. We have no say in it. They start a new family unit and make up their own rules. We have to live by the rules they set up…because it is their right, as young adults to do that. Do your very best. That’s all any of us can do. Please come over to the Web-forum I created for women who are facing issues with adult children and extended families. There is a lot of support available for those who are facing what you are and can’t really do anything about it without being completely rejected in the process. Blessings, Luise

By: C.

C. — Sun, 13 Mar 2011 08:00:33 +0000

hi, my son has a girlfriend that he is surpose to marry august 7th and at first everythibg was fine, now 6 months later … o my she has a very bad attuide and is rude, and notonly that i try so hard to get a lond with her, bit we did and then she told a lie on me to my son and u heard her telling him he should stand up to me for her since she was going to be his wife, tou can not say nothing to her, she takes everything wrong, i love my son he is 23 and has a good job and his own house, but i can’t see him without her, if i tell him i need to talk to him alone she come right in and say i;m going to be noise and i don’t say a word ..,my problem is now me and him are fighting alot, please help i feel like i need help bsd, thank you. C.

By: Luise

Luise — Sun, 06 Feb 2011 16:02:00 +0000

Please consider coming on over to my Web-forum http://www.WiseWomenUnite.com where we help each other work through this kind of thing as much as possible. It is amazingly prevalent these days and totally devastating. Blessings, Luise

By: K.

K. — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 13:31:11 +0000

Dear Luise,
My daughter in law is loud and obnoxious and very disrespectful and my son goes along with every thing she says. My companion and I decided against driving an hour away for Christmas because we had 8 inches of snow the night before and I woke up at 6am and read that we were expecting more which didn’t happen. So now she thinks I lied to get out of seeing my Grand kids whom I love very much. I talked to a police officer friend and he said some bridges and over passes were still icy. I called my son Christmas morning and asked if we could come by new years day so we could spend some time with the boys and he said that was fine. Well she blew up and told my daughter that she had plans. I tried calling like four or five times and now my son won’t talk to me. My 49th B-day was Feb 1rst and I got an e-mail from her saying that I am never going to see my Grand sons ages 1 and 3 ever again and to never call or write and good bye for ever. That was what I got for my B-day, nice huh? K.

By: A.

A. — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 01:45:20 +0000

I’ve noticed you side on the mother or in law side frequently. Is there a reason? Often the young ladies or daughter in laws have sides too with in laws who feel slighted by their presence and try and squash out marriage just as fast as it starts. Playing the saintly mother goes as far as playing the saintly daughter and your advice is not fair or seeing both sides (but maybe that’s because none of these questions seem honest about both sides) A.

By: Luise

Luise — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 18:58:13 +0000

K.: Please, come over to my Web-forum with this issue. It is the primary question dealt with there. Blessings, Luise

By: K.

K. — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 15:27:23 +0000

I need to talk to anyone this happened to to ask how did the get over losing their son and grandchildren because the son’s wife is mean & sick in the head…(for real.) K.

By: Luise

Luise — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 05:07:03 +0000

Ask a doctor where to take here…or the person who is the head of your church or someone at your local school. You need to get outside help from a person who knows how to work with her problem.

By: T.

T. — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 06:58:53 +0000

my daughter 5 years old dont speak what can i do ? T.

By: Luise

Luise — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 01:36:57 +0000

Dear K. Please come over to my web forum . http://www.motherinlawsunite.com Blessings, Luise

By: K.

K. — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 23:25:22 +0000

The worst thing is when my daughter in law is jealous. Ii do nothing. i don’t interfere in their lives. When my son came see me she is not happy and every 6months she starts a problem of some kind. She picks on anything ,to see that my son keeps away from me. He has all ways told me, Mum, you not the problem,” but this time i went to visit and she was so angry. She told me I love my 2 girls more than I love my son. This is not true. And she threw me out of the house Before I left, I told to my son to work things out. She is your wife. i am your Mum, and all i want is for you to let me know that you are OK. It’s been 6 weeks and I have not see him. i am so hurt. He is a good man and I know he is only staying with her for his 2 boys. This has been going for more then 10 years. I have always shut my mouth but this time she is out of my life. Sad. K.

By: Luise

Luise — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 17:49:47 +0000

Dear M. Thanks so much for your input. Please consider coming over to my web-Forum: http://www.motherinlawsunite.com Blessings, Luise

By: M.

M. — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 06:26:45 +0000

Dear Luise: You once asked to have input from someone who had “therapy” over the DIL issue. I have for a short while (a few months.) I can tell you I think it helps. At least it gives you someone to dump on when all your friends and family are long tired of listening to you. It also gives some insight and direction into your own reasons for continuing to grieve. I do recommend it if you can. M.

By: Luise

Luise — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 17:20:44 +0000

The best place to pose this question is on my web-Forum: http://www.motherinlawsunite.com I will respond, of course, but you will also get the benefit of discussion.

By: C.

C. — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 23:03:32 +0000

I don’t understand why my daughter in law doesn’to communicate with me …my son got married a yr ago and I was the perfect mother in law to be for 3 yrs. It seemed everything was ok.. they came over I know more than 50 times to eat meals …big dinners I made myself .. all big holiday meals and meals in between holidays…they came to watch local college games … swim in the pool , etc. We seemed to get along ok talking then since my son got married everything has changed. My daughter in law was asked to come to my daughters 18th birthday party and her Sr. graduation ..she didnt come to either. She came over the other evening at my son s doing…my son wanted to come over to pick up something here. That’s maybe only the second time she has come over in a year since they have been married. She was stoned face the whole time and didn’t talk much. She hardly looked at me when I was trying to talk to her … it was obvious she didn’t want to be in my home. I have only treated her with decency and respect and have been sweet and kind to her. She has yet to have me to her home but its ok for my family to have her to ours ..eat our food.. take our gifts..give her things etc. To not want to even communicate with me is a little hard for me to handle…what do u think is wrong? C.

By: Luise

Luise — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 04:09:32 +0000

Dear E.: I would suggest you copy and paste this question to my other website: http://www.motherinlawsunite.com It’s a forum and you will get the benefit of a support group there. Your DIL is certainly self-absorbed and rude, from my point of view. Still, it feels to me like you might want to be careful in giving her an ultimatum. She might use it to make a permanent break and separate you from your grandchildren. Blessings, Luise

By: E.

E. — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 17:05:36 +0000

What common problems we all have. I recommend reading Nancy Wilson’s Daughter-in-Law, an article I found on-line. I just put daughter-in-law issues in my search and found that and this site. As long as we respect boundaries, treat our children and their significant others with respect and politeness, give our time and help when we can, then we should expect the same in return. I have tried for four years to be a friend to my daughter-in-law but it hasn’t made any difference. I am okay to babysit in my home for my grandson, cook dinner in my home for everyone, but have never been invited to my son’s home. And they live only two blocks away. I have reached the point that if my daughter-in-law wants me to be part of my grandson’s life, then she needs to make me part of it and that means inviting me to her home to see him there as well as asking me to babysit for him, which I love to do. This generation is the “selfish” generation in all areas. And I am tired of hoping she likes me and trying to be part of her life. At this point, I don’t care if she does or not!!! E.