I’m Feeling Confused, Used and Abused
Question: Dear Luise: I have been seeing this girlfriend of mine for 3 yrs., on and off. She has broken up with me for other guys and has lied to me about numerous amounts of stuff. Well, for some reason I keep taking her back and I love her and care about her a lot but at the same time I don’t know if I want to be with her and when I do get to my point of wanting to end it I just cave in and keep going on with the relationship. I just don’t know what I should do and I’m really confused. S.
Answer: Dear S.: It’s going to boil down to what you want in life. If what you have is what you want, you’re home free. However, it doesn’t sound like that is true. A rule of thumb that I often use is that a relationship should be an improvement over being alone or what’s the point? Beyond that, how much better is up to you.
Waiting for someone to grow up and change for the better can be a thankless job. And sometimes they change for the worse or don’t change at all. You have a recalcitrant child for a girlfriend. Isn’t that the truth? She’s getting away with what she’s getting away with because you cave. What’s that all about? We can dearly love people we can’t and shouldn’t spend our lives with. She’s the familiar. Is that better than the unknown? If so, why? Habit?
Talk with this girlfriend of yours and let her know that you are coming to the end of your rope. Don’t ask her to change because she will promise you things she can’t deliver. Let her know that it’s not working for you and why. Then cut her lose.
You can remain an interested friend…just keep her at a distance along with her drama and immaturity. They are playing havoc with your life.
Move on to meet new people and take what you have learned with you. There are gals out there who are willing to contribute to keeping a relationship afloat. Start circulating and keep your eyes open. One of them is looking for you! Blessings, Luise
Related Posts:- I’m Confused about my Feelings for my “Ex”
Question: Hi, Luise. I have been reading some of your advice to people and they seem to make sense. Maybe you can help me with... - Feeling Unappreciated
Question: Dear Luise: My wife says she doesn’t feel that I am aware of what she does for me and that I take her for... - I’m Confused About Sexuality
Question: Dear Luise: I am curious about why sexuality has so many different sides to it. Some religions see it as wrong and others embrace... - My Mom’s Death has Left Me Feeling Crazy
Question: Dear Luise: My mom just passed on May 23, 2007. I am 28 and she was my only friend. Cancer is such a horrible... - I Know She’s Being Physically Abused
Question: Dear Luise: I have a friend I would like to help but frankly I don’t know where to begin or if it is even...