Comments on: It Looks Like I’m Working Harder at this Relationship than He Is

By: Luise

Luise — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 12:02:14 +0000

Dear S. There are very few choices in the adult world that don’t bring both challenges and rewards. If you stay, you will be loved in the way he can love you and if you leave you will enter into the unknown without even that. In the long-run, you may improve your situation radically but it won’t necessarily be easy. Your mother was a wise woman. We can love someone deeply that we can’t live with, once the novelty has worn off. To some men we become fixtures. And for some women, that’s enough. When we say the word love, there are as many definitions as there are people using the word. To one person it may mean sharing thoughts and emotions…hopes and dreams while to another it may mean the total and complete joy of not being abused. Expectations vary.
You have a strong sense of self-worth and that will help you through whatever you decide to do. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect. And perhaps you didn’t make a mistake at all. He may have been right for you when you were younger and hadn’t gained any wisdom yet about what you have to give and what you need. He had expectations, too, and probably has no idea what to do with your concerns. It may be that you have changed and he hasn’t or he tried to be what you wanted and couldn’t keep it up because it’s not who he is. The possibilities are endless but the resolutions are few; stay and adjust to his limitations or go and seek a fuller life. Blessings, Luise

By: S.

S. — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 04:10:34 +0000

Dear Luise: It’s me again. And was just wondering should I stay with someone that doesn’t really understand me tho I love him dearly..or should I just pack up and leave,knowing that nothing is ever going to change. I mean were not married yet and I really think that I should be with someone that deserves what I have to offer them, and would appreciate all the love i have in store.I hear the phrase opposites attract,but in my case..it doesn’t. In the beginning everything was just fine, but I guess now that we been together for so long he feels to comfortable in this relationship and really thinks that we will last forever. But how can someone say they love you if they go through great lengths to avoid you. Again we are two different people that can never seem to get along. Sometimes love just isn’t enough. I mean a bird may love a fish, Luise, but were would they live? My mother always use to tell me that when I’d be having trouble with my love life, which was pretty often. Thanks for listening to me and understanding. Not many people that I know really understand where I’m coming from. Especially him! Thanks for all your support and kindness. S.

By: Luise

Luise — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 01:03:17 +0000

Dear S. My guess is that it’s going to continue to be the way it is. Men sometimes don’t flourish in a domestic environment. You want him to be different, (for good reason), and that’s probably not going to happen. Being in love is one thing and all too often being married is something else. Self-respect can be cultivated and you can learn from that how to acknowledge and honor who you are. Looking for it from another person seldom produces the desired effect and sometimes makes things worse. You are a good wife and mom. Give yourself a pat on the back. Blessings, Luise

By: S

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 23:35:58 +0000

Dear Luise: Im tired of trying to make my relationship work. My man is to stubborn, not very emotional or sensual lately and doesn’t like to talk our problems out to see if we can fix them. He doesn’t talk to me until I’m the one to apologize even tho Iv’e done nothing wrong. I am always trying to get his attention in any way possible…dressing up and making my self look nice, cooking, cleaning and washing his dirty laundry. And that not even close to enough for him. No matter what I do, we can never come to a compromise. He is my high school sweetheart. We’ve been together for almost 4 years now. I am 18 years old and he is 20. We were young but very much in love. We have a 8 month year old daughter that means the world to us. And every time shes around her daddy, her face seems to light-up with a smile. I just wish I had that impact on him. I lost my self a long time ago and can’t really define the meaning of love any more except for my kid. Will I ever be treated with the respect that I deserve? Or will I always be a another shadow in the dark…..unseen and unheard? Sincerely, S.