Comments on: How Do I Deal with a Jealous Daughter-in-law http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/ Luise Addresses Your Interests With Wisdom and Love Thu, 20 Nov 2008 11:17:25 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: Luise http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-5231 Luise Thu, 30 Oct 2008 04:58:38 +0000 http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-5231 Dear R. Beautifully put. Thank you so much! And you are an exceptional Mom because you are also not jealous of her. Blessings, Luise Dear R. Beautifully put. Thank you so much! And you are an exceptional Mom because you are also not jealous of her. Blessings, Luise

]]> By: R. http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-5230 R. Thu, 30 Oct 2008 04:51:24 +0000 http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-5230 ;My daughter in law was so jeaious of my son's relationship with me because I was my sons best friend and mom. My son and I sat down with her and she admitted she never had a mom to be close to as her aunt raised her and she was jealous of the close relationship my son and I shared. It was at that point I told her she now had a second mom and friend in me as I always wanted a daughter. We prayed together and cried together and have come a long way since then. Starting going to church together has really made a difference! But often they only jealous of what they wish they had that you and your son have. They just need to understand they're not on the outside looking in...they're inside with you and don't realize it, because they have never been shown love that way. Good luck and GOD BLESS YOU ALL! R. ;My daughter in law was so jeaious of my son’s relationship with me because I was my sons best friend and mom. My son and I sat down with her and she admitted she never had a mom to be close to as her aunt raised her and she was jealous of the close relationship my son and I shared. It was at that point I told her she now had a second mom and friend in me as I always wanted a daughter. We prayed together and cried together and have come a long way since then. Starting going to church together has really made a difference! But often they only jealous of what they wish they had that you and your son have. They just need to understand they’re not on the outside looking in…they’re inside with you and don’t realize it, because they have never been shown love that way. Good luck and GOD BLESS YOU ALL! R.

]]> By: Luise http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4673 Luise Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:41:06 +0000 http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4673 Dear G. Thank you so much for sharing with all of us. Please read the comments under "My Son Hates Me" for more support. Blessings, Luise Dear G. Thank you so much for sharing with all of us. Please read the comments under “My Son Hates Me” for more support. Blessings, Luise

]]> By: G. http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4672 G. Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:47:44 +0000 http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4672 I never had a chance to have or not have a relationship with my DIL. The few times we met, she seemed wonderful. That was less than 2 years ago, and I have not spoken to my son in the past 1 1/2 of those years. I have never met my first and only grandchild. Slowly I am learning to live without him in my life, but I still miss him everyday. I survived a divorce to a man that left me and my three sons to pursue a business, and I found a way to forgive him and even helped my boys rebuild a relationship with their dad. Ironically, my ex has a relationship with my son and his new family and I who sacrificed (freely) everything for them and was always there has none. I so often feel judged - like I must be the evil MIL or something because "Men don't do their mother's this way" for no reason at all. I guess they have their reasons but they have refused to talk to me about it - all the more reason I lived with guilt for over a year. I feel as if I will never be whole again, that everything I thought about life and love has been dramatically changed. I am finding it hard to connect with my new stepkids. I'm ashamed to admit it but sometimes I find myself resenting my other 2 son's for not standing up for me with their brother. I don't say anything but deep down it hurts me everytime they talk about getting to be with him at their dad's for family get togethers. I don't want to be this way, live this way, or even think this way, but all it takes is the mention of his name and I find myself struggling not to cry or let anyone but my husband know how much I hurt. I no longer question why, I don't blame myself anymore, I know God has a plan, but it would sure be helpful to be able to communicate with others that have experienced this same rejection. G. I never had a chance to have or not have a relationship with my DIL. The few times we met, she seemed wonderful. That was less than 2 years ago, and I have not spoken to my son in the past 1 1/2 of those years. I have never met my first and only grandchild. Slowly I am learning to live without him in my life, but I still miss him everyday. I survived a divorce to a man that left me and my three sons to pursue a business, and I found a way to forgive him and even helped my boys rebuild a relationship with their dad. Ironically, my ex has a relationship with my son and his new family and I who sacrificed (freely) everything for them and was always there has none. I so often feel judged - like I must be the evil MIL or something because “Men don’t do their mother’s this way” for no reason at all. I guess they have their reasons but they have refused to talk to me about it - all the more reason I lived with guilt for over a year. I feel as if I will never be whole again, that everything I thought about life and love has been dramatically changed. I am finding it hard to connect with my new stepkids. I’m ashamed to admit it but sometimes I find myself resenting my other 2 son’s for not standing up for me with their brother. I don’t say anything but deep down it hurts me everytime they talk about getting to be with him at their dad’s for family get togethers. I don’t want to be this way, live this way, or even think this way, but all it takes is the mention of his name and I find myself struggling not to cry or let anyone but my husband know how much I hurt. I no longer question why, I don’t blame myself anymore, I know God has a plan, but it would sure be helpful to be able to communicate with others that have experienced this same rejection. G.

]]> By: Luise http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4531 Luise Fri, 11 Apr 2008 01:34:52 +0000 http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4531 Answer: Dear Z. Five years must have made it pretty clear that your dream of an extended family is not going to materialize. Your son made his choice and his wife is not interested in his family. She seems very immature and self-absorbed to me, as I'm sure she does to you. We have nothing to say about the choices our kids make and what they bring to us when they create their own automomy. Collect your dignity and back way off. If he misses you, he may make an attempt to reconnect on his own...or he may not. When we get our offspring raised, they take the reins of their own lives. It's hard to get that we can be left out of the equation, but unfortunately that often happens. Blessings, Luise Answer: Dear Z. Five years must have made it pretty clear that your dream of an extended family is not going to materialize. Your son made his choice and his wife is not interested in his family. She seems very immature and self-absorbed to me, as I’m sure she does to you. We have nothing to say about the choices our kids make and what they bring to us when they create their own automomy. Collect your dignity and back way off. If he misses you, he may make an attempt to reconnect on his own…or he may not. When we get our offspring raised, they take the reins of their own lives. It’s hard to get that we can be left out of the equation, but unfortunately that often happens. Blessings, Luise

]]> By: Z. http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4530 Z. Thu, 10 Apr 2008 19:37:36 +0000 http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4530 I have a daughter-in-law who seems unresponsive to our overatures to have her in our family. She is bent on making my son go with her family only. This just puzzles me and I don't get it. My son is an only child and he waited until he was 39 to get married and she was only 27. The whole thing is sad and I don't understand someone who did not give us a chance. It is depressing to me not to have a relationship with my son that is open with a nice exchange of information and ideas like we used to have. He was more open and called frequently and was so much more congenial before he met her. I don't get her at all. It is like she is very insecure and has to have my son prove his love to her all the time in the most childish way. I am disappointed in all this. I tried to hard to be nice and give gifts and be thoughtful. But is just getting harder. This had been going on for 5 years now. There is a lot more but it's just too long to go into all of it. So any opinions, please? I have a daughter-in-law who seems unresponsive to our overatures to have her in our family. She is bent on making my son go with her family only. This just puzzles me and I don’t get it. My son is an only child and he waited until he was 39 to get married and she was only 27. The whole thing is sad and I don’t understand someone who did not give us a chance. It is depressing to me not to have a relationship with my son that is open with a nice exchange of information and ideas like we used to have. He was more open and called frequently and was so much more congenial before he met her. I don’t get her at all. It is like she is very insecure and has to have my son prove his love to her all the time in the most childish way. I am disappointed in all this. I tried to hard to be nice and give gifts and be thoughtful. But is just getting harder. This had been going on for 5 years now. There is a lot more but it’s just too long to go into all of it. So any opinions, please?

]]> By: Luise http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4501 Luise Sun, 30 Mar 2008 20:44:05 +0000 http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4501 Answer: Dear G. I had a daughter-in-law like that once. My son bought our car and when we delivered it, (over 100 miles round trip), he had to come down to talk to us at the curb. We weren't invited up. Blessings, Luise Answer: Dear G. I had a daughter-in-law like that once. My son bought our car and when we delivered it, (over 100 miles round trip), he had to come down to talk to us at the curb. We weren’t invited up. Blessings, Luise

]]> By: G. Saine http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4500 G. Saine Sun, 30 Mar 2008 20:27:11 +0000 http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4500 It makes me so happy to see I'am not the only MIL that has a DIL that hates her. She is just like the rest of them She is so jealous. My son has to call me from work. I'm only allowed to see the Grandchildren once a weeki, if she is in a good mood. Pray for us all. It makes me so happy to see I’am not the only MIL that has a DIL that hates her. She is just like the rest of them She is so jealous. My son has to call me from work. I’m only allowed to see the Grandchildren once a weeki, if she is in a good mood. Pray for us all.

]]> By: Luise http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4387 Luise Sun, 24 Feb 2008 20:52:39 +0000 http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4387 Answer: Dear M. B.: I will be treating this as a new question...soon. Blessings, Luise Answer: Dear M. B.: I will be treating this as a new question…soon. Blessings, Luise

]]> By: Moma B. http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4385 Moma B. Sun, 24 Feb 2008 05:40:33 +0000 http://www.momresponds.com/496/jealous-daughter-in-law/#comment-4385 I married into a closed family unit. I am a young daughter-in-law with a toddler son. I hate to admit it but I think I may be a bit jealous of him. I mean this...my in-laws never really included me in the family before my son was born. And now it is apparent that they prefer blood relatives over anyone else. It hurts me. I have always wanted a good relationship with my mother-in-law (like the one my mom had with hers). If you watched them together you would think my paternal grandma was my mom's mother. Grandma accepted her as her own daughter. My MIL has often said that my son would be the one to make us closer. Why can't I be accepted into the family? Why can't they just accept me for me? I accept them! It never occured to her that just maybe she has to get through me to get to my son. And so maybe she should try to also get to know me. By getting to know me, she would have all the access she wants to him. Does this sound jealous? Maybe it is. But it is not like she doesn't see him at all. It is just not as often as she'd like because I don't trust her and because she hasn't taken the time to consider me in all of this. Am I wrong for not wanting to spend my wkds tweedling my thumbs while she plays with my son? I married into a closed family unit. I am a young daughter-in-law with a toddler son. I hate to admit it but I think I may be a bit jealous of him. I mean this…my in-laws never really included me in the family before my son was born. And now it is apparent that they prefer blood relatives over anyone else. It hurts me. I have always wanted a good relationship with my mother-in-law (like the one my mom had with hers). If you watched them together you would think my paternal grandma was my mom’s mother. Grandma accepted her as her own daughter.

My MIL has often said that my son would be the one to make us closer. Why can’t I be accepted into the family? Why can’t they just accept me for me? I accept them! It never occured to her that just maybe she has to get through me to get to my son. And so maybe she should try to also get to know me. By getting to know me, she would have all the access she wants to him. Does this sound jealous? Maybe it is. But it is not like she doesn’t see him at all. It is just not as often as she’d like because I don’t trust her and because she hasn’t taken the time to consider me in all of this. Am I wrong for not wanting to spend my wkds tweedling my thumbs while she plays with my son?

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