MomResponds.com: Ask Questions, Get Answers

Comment by Chrys

June 26, 2006 @ 9:53 pm

Im in a 2 year relationship that has hit a really rough spot. We have both had several previous relationships with unfaithful people, and had our hearts ripped out by these people. We really love one another, but where we are having trouble is allowing the other in completely. I believe I’m ready but we’re both afraid to take that first step alone. I spend most of my time trying to convince him that he’s not alone, I’m not going to hurt him, and that he can count on me. He doesn’t try anymore to do these things for me, so every day I wake up with the fear I’m going to lose him because of our fears. How can I get him to open up? I really want this to work out he’s a truly wonderful man, and I can’t see my life without him in it. Please help us!

Comment by Luise

July 19, 2006 @ 3:50 pm

Answer: Dear Chrys: The truth is that words probably aren’t going to do it. The fact that he no longer reassures you, means something. As him what it means. Has he given up on you or does he think you should know by now? How does he feel about your constant reassurances? Bored or unconvinced? The truth is no one can ever guarantee the future. All we can do is give the present our full attention and best effort. If you picked losers before and have learned from that, you could have a great thing going. You may be messing it up with all of the verbal efforts. Talk to each other. How are you both doing and what do you want? Once you clear the air, let go of the verbal promises and just keep you word one day at a time. Blessings, Luise

Comment by Joshua

October 5, 2006 @ 10:23 pm

My girlfriend of over a year has recently become distant, I approached her about it multiple times and she refused to admit anything was wrong, then a week or so after the feelings started to arise in her she finally told me that she was having doubts about where our relationship is headed. But before I get into this I should clarify some things, Throughout our relationship I have been pretty jealous, controlling, insecure.. I have had no reason to be insecure as she’s a beautiful moral driven girl who would never cheat on me. I have got less and less of all of the above through the length of our relationship, but recently she’s been wanting to experiment with alcohol and me being a bonehead I got upset everytime she mentioned it, I more or less acted like she killed my best friend. Now she has not given up on me from what she says because I realized I’ve been wrong and need to give her space to grow, but I need to change some things. I’ve been so shaken up by this and emotionally distraught I have been acting incredibly happy to try and change her mood, and more lovey than usual sending her 2-page e-cards telling her how I feel about it and she came out to me today and said I’m pushing her away by completely changing who I am, and acting artificially happy. I have been happy, but not as much as I’ve let on.. I want to make an honest effort at getting our relationship back on track.. besides the obvious of drop all of the “acting” and just return to the person she fell in love with, any suggestions? I should also mention it is a fairly long distance relationship, 120 miles. Throughout the week I have tried to get her on the phone or let me see her webcam because her smile/laugh is a good indication of what she’s thinking, but her voice is almost emotion-less.

Comment by Luise

October 7, 2006 @ 10:07 am

Dear Joshua: The above feels more like a quesiton than a comment. I will be responding soon.
Blessings, Luise