Question: Dear Luise: I have a problem regarding my guy cheating on me and I don’t know how to begin to solve it. I got into the relationship four years ago. The first year was wonderful except for the occasional arguments, but every relationship has those. At the end of the first year we separated because he cheated on me. I can honestly say that I never gave him a reason to go out and cheat. I got along with his child and his entire family. His family loved me and I loved them. Well, throughout our relationship the mother of his child constantly gave us problems, and that was the person that he ended up cheating on me with the first time. So we separated, but that wasn’t what I wanted to do because I was still in love with him. I wanted us to fix things. Another woman followed but he always ended up coming back to me because anytime he has problems no one else is there for him like I am, not even his family. He isn’t working. He moves back home and then they kick him out. Then he hooks up with someone new and moves in, only to be kicked out by her. Each time he lies to the other woman and he lies to me. Any suggestions? Pinklady
Dear Pinklady: Well, you are in one heck of a fix, aren’t you? There is no quick and easy way out of your situation. You probably already know that, don’t you?
If you wrote to me for support, please know that you’ve got it. I support you 100% in getting on with your life and no longer making it about the guy you have settled for in the past. You deserve much better. It’s time to change your behavior patterns. Up until now, no matter what he did you turned the other cheek. Of course he kept coming back to you. It’s not a compliment.
First of all, even though it may be hard to do, take stock regarding why you have put up with his constant abuse because that’s what it is. Then do some research to find out what kind of support group you can get into that will help you build your own personal strengths. Call your local churches, look in the phone book or ask people at work. Support is out there…you just have to make the effort to find the right group for you and follow up by making a commitment to yourself to do the work required to turn your life around.
As you follow a new path toward self-esteem you may be surprised by the opportunities that come your way. The fact that you are not being shown respect by one person doesn’t mean that you are not of value.
The guy you have been associating with doesn’t make you happy. It’s as simple as that. And you deserve happiness just as much as the next person. Become your own best friend and turn in a new direction. I’m rooting for you! Blessings, Luise