My Grandmother Died Without My Saying Goodbye

Question: Hi, I am a teen and I have a problem. Could you possibly offer me any advice??? About 4 years ago my Grandmother died :-( However I never got to speak to her before she died…nor attend her funeral. She was cremated. I still find it difficult to deal with and feel like I need to say goodbye properly. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can say goodbye to her?? Clemence

Answer: Dear Clemence: Many people believe that those who have passed on are still able to get our love loud and clear when we send it. It’s up to you, really, how you want to complete with your grandmother. Doing it is very wise and rewarding, to my way of thinking.

There are a lot of different ways you can do it, depending mostly on you belief systems. Some people use prayer and some use a person who they believe can reach others after death, but that can be costly. I did it after my son died and felt I made wonderful contact with him. He has always felt close since then. You can reach my clairvoyant, who is also a personal friend of mine, at: www.jennycrawford.com .

Another way I know of to connect with a departed loved one, if you don’t have the money to contact a capable and well-known psychic or don’t believe it is real, is to sit down quietly, alone, and write to her. You can do it over a period of time, adding more to your communication as you feel so inclined. You can even write answers back from her quite easily, if you are willing. Just get in touch with your memories of her and write what she would have written.

When you feel complete with the project you can create a ritual or ceremony and burn what you have written and bury the ashes. I have also done that and had a very positive experience.

Your grandmother was a very fortunate woman to have such a caring, loving grandchild. The fact that you are concerned about not saying goodbye and think of her often after four years speaks well of you. Blessings, Luise

43 Responses to My Grandmother Died Without My Saying Goodbye

  1. Luise November 25, 2007 at 11:45 am #

    From Isey:

    My Grandmother died last night i never got to talk to her in 2 years. Can you help me.

  2. Luise November 25, 2007 at 11:50 am #

    Answer: Desr Isey: What I did when my apparently healthy, grown son died suddenly was to get out a note book and write to him. I poured out how I felt and then I wrote an answer back to me from him. “We” kept up the dialogue until I was able to accept that he was gone from the physical universe. I believe he is a close as my heart and my menories. Just because you can’t see your Grandmother, doesn’t mean she isn’t close and caring. Let the love in. Blessings. Luise

  3. samee February 27, 2008 at 7:26 am #

    My grandma died 4 years ago, too, and she was cremated as well. My parents and family thought that it would be better if I stayed in school. I remember that day like yesterday. We were really close. I lived with her most of my life. The night before she passed I decided that I was going to spend the night at my best friends house so I never got to say good bye or even talk to her before it happend. I just wish that my parents had come to get me so that I could have talked to her before she passed. I know what you are going through. I dont have anything to say that will help you besides saying that there are people out there going through the same thing as you and who care.

  4. Luise February 27, 2008 at 6:23 pm #

    Thank you, Samee. Blessings, Luise

  5. nora March 20, 2008 at 3:39 pm #

    I lost my mom 2 months ago and I still cant accept it. I dont want it to be true. Even though we were very close and I did just about everything I could for her, (so people tell me), I dont feel that way. I want her with me again. How do I over come that? I have tried writing to her but my feelings of sadness are still very strong. Can someone help? How can I know if shes OK and at peace? Thats very important to me.

  6. Luise March 20, 2008 at 3:57 pm #

    Answer: Dear Nora: Most of us are still so raw at two months that very little helps. Time is needed. We don’t feel we did enough no matter what others tell us…and the emptiness is just too much to even think of learning to be accepting. Of course we want our loved ones with us again! Yet…if we can accept life, it’s our job to learn that death is what comes to one and all at the end of it. And none of us can decide when that’s going to be. We can’t keep anyone forever and we can’t stay forever ourselves. On top of that, there just isn’t any “good time” to let someone go. Hard lessons. Hang in there, that’s all we can do, and it will get better. Acceptance does come and we all get closer, in the process, to knowing that we, too, will move on when the time is right. Blessings, Luise

  7. Kate April 4, 2008 at 8:03 pm #

    hi…my name is kate. i am 12. my nana is going to die anyday now. she is fragil and everytime i visit her she says the exact same thing from the last time. her mind is going to putty. i think about her all the time and i’ve even tryed praying for her. i know when she goes my mom will be a mess. what do i do?

  8. A. November 4, 2009 at 4:25 pm #

    Well my name is Allen l and my grandma past away when i was 7. She was my world i thought she would be here for ever. i know she had cancer. But i well never forget the day she was taken from me. It was the day my house burned to the ground with my dad in side. Well my father was in the hospital getting better. i never knew that she was right up stairs right, above my father. The day my dad came out of the comma was the day she left me. I never got to say goodbye and tell her how much she really meet to and how much i will always love her. So if there’s anyone that is out there that could help me with this, all i really would like to to is to say i love her and i miss her so much. A.

    • Luise November 8, 2009 at 10:28 am #

      Dear A.: It isn’t possible for me to do the email thing because of the volume on my website but I know that your grandmother knew of your love and took it with her. We all know when we are loved and it is priceless. She loves you still because love doesn’t die. Blessings, Luise

  9. P. February 6, 2010 at 3:53 pm #

    First of all I just want to say sorry for the passing of a family member, but think of the good memories not the bad. P.

  10. K. May 13, 2010 at 11:08 am #

    my grandma is dying with kindney failure and it sucks i love her to death i want to say goodbye but i dont know to say goodbye to her when she dies and i ask why s this happenig to her and why is she dying she dont deaserve this at all and i think she only has a couple of more months or even weeks to live and i really scuhs my uncles are indiline cuz they think she is health but shes not and they have to come to terms that she is dyeing and we cant do and thing about god is takeing her and i just want more time with and at less say goodbye but i dnt want her to feel bad for leaveing i want her to go peacfully and not be in pain anymore. i am 17 years old and she wanted to se me turn 18 but i dont think she is going to make until next march i hope and pray but i dont think its going to happen i love you grandma and if you want to leave nd let go then u can i dont want u to be in pain any more i love and goodbye kourtney you granddaughter you will be mised terrbile love you and i will miss you so much for ever. K.

    • Luise May 13, 2010 at 6:47 pm #

      Your grandma is very lucky to have you in her life. You are very loving to be willing to let her go so she move beyond the pain. She knows how much you care and she is very grateful, I’m sure. Death is very hard to understand and accept but we all have to try. Blessings, Luise

  11. Aneesah W May 27, 2010 at 5:41 pm #

    hi my name is Aneesah and i’am 21 years old my grandmom died may 12,2010. at 8:32pm.In the hospital she also had kindey failur.But passed from a sore that was not taking care of the right way… i feel so heart broken she was my bestfriend i told her everything.When she went in the hospital, I had seen her the day before and we took pictures and she was smiling like always. They told me she was asking for me wen they taking her to the hospital and i have 2 young children so i cant take them in there and she slipped into a coma after being there for 4-5 days so wen i got the chance to go up there she was not wake anymore.So for that next week an half i was there every day until i saw how much pain she really was in i told them its time to let her go.I watched her breath for 4 1/2 hours after the turn the michine off and laid my head over her heart as it stop beating and i told her i love her and she is going home to be with the Lord. But i can’t get her off my mind and i tell myself that she is in the rehap about to come home and i’m just waiting for them to call me.I use to always bring her home from a hospital stay and the longest she ever was in the was for three months so im lost and can’t seem to deal with the fact that she is gone. A.

    • Luise June 7, 2010 at 9:22 am #

      When we are so close to someone and they leave their body…it takes most of us a long time to accept that they really aren’t going to come back. It’s normal and it’s terrible but we eventually come to acceptance. We are all here temporarily and will all pass. Send her you love…she is sending you hers. You are still in a relationship to my way of thinking. Blessings, Luise

  12. rosa November 19, 2010 at 12:08 am #

    iam sorry for you lost beacuse they arehere with us beacuse they are in heaven now with god god bless you your heart

  13. T. March 3, 2011 at 9:01 am #

    See you Friday
    My Grandma passed away yesterday she was very ill i didnt see her for 18yrs i was not physically attached to her but emotionally i was. We spoke on Sunday i told her i would go over friday to see her, she said she would wait for me and would be very happy to see me. By Monday she got worst. All of my family would ask her if she would wait for me and she said yes. Wed came and shes gone she will be burried tonight. I didnt get to see her or say goodbye. This is so painfull because the last thing we said is see you friday……..
    Im distraught and dont know how i will get over this pain! T.

    • Luise March 6, 2011 at 10:10 am #

      We all have very different ideas about death and the possibility of an afterlife. You did get to say goodbye (one the phone.) My take is that she didn’t say which Friday…and that you will be able to connect with her every Friday for as long as you wish. We don’t know much about the “unseen.” Sit down and write to her on Friday and then write her answer. She’s “there.” Of course her answer will be from you…and yet…she will contribute to that. I see “See you on Friday” as a gift. Blessings, Luise

  14. S. May 13, 2011 at 7:43 pm #

    Hi, my grandma died 5 years ago. She was in India and i am in US. whenever i talk to her on phone, she always used to say “when are you going to come to india? the day i die?” and it came true.:( i didnt get to see her..she left me too early:( i miss her so much right now, i just want to see her and cry on her shoulder. i am very upset at her though, because she knew she was going to die somehow, she didnt call me to talk to me for the last time. i didnt get to say goodbye or to say”dont leave me grandma” she was like a mother to me. She took care of me so much, she was always there for me. i miss her alot..i love you grandma. S.

    • Luise May 14, 2011 at 11:12 am #

      We all have regrets. None of us do life perfectly so we can’t always live up to our own expectations regarding how we respond and contribute to others. You were loved by her and she was loved by you. Both of you knew it no matter how difficult the timing was and how you wish she could have sayed longer. Feel the love..rejoice in it. She knows!

  15. D. June 24, 2011 at 9:43 am #

    hey my name is dhiba and my grand mother died this week i feel sometime its my folet and m starting to heat my self what can i do i miss her so mtch and i miss her face her everything and i have never said to her good bye i want to know does she forgive me or nn how can i do that pleae help me please help,me D.

    • Luise June 26, 2011 at 8:19 am #

      I can guarantee that she loves you and she understands. None of us is perfect and every time we lose someone, we wish we had done more and maybe said less. Send her your love and know that she is sending hers to you. Blessings, Luise

  16. D. June 29, 2011 at 4:09 am #

    My grandma has died 3 years ago.I felt bad but i have to acept everything that cames from GOD….I know she is my angel now and prottects me from mean people….Sometimes i miss her a lot and i start crying like a baby,but i dont know what to do??? D.

    • Luise July 2, 2011 at 7:21 am #

      I don’t think we ever get over missing those we love who pass on. We would have to forget them to do that and they mean way too much to us to ever forget them. Know that your tears are tears of love. And know that her love for you has never changed.

  17. D. July 4, 2011 at 2:41 am #

    Thanks LUISE….

  18. K. July 10, 2011 at 3:28 pm #

    Hi my grandmorther pass away in 2 months .. when i was at the
    hospital , saying goodbye to her ! she was laying down in her bed with her eyes close and she hold my hand and told me she loved me and i was also in tears
    but i know shes in a better place now , and she knew i was their with her. But i want to have a conversation with her i miss her so much.. Ok so when i was in bed ? . and i was sleeping when i was 7 years old .. she came up to me and she said lets go? what did she mean by that after that i never saw again. xox ! please answer my question i really want to talk to her again so bad ..K.

    • Luise July 13, 2011 at 6:14 pm #

      Well, that’s wonderful! What I do when I want to talk to my mom is I write a letter to her. I just feel like she knows I’m doing that and is paying attention. Then I sit right there and write an answer back from her to me because I know she loves me and I know what she wants to say. Try that. Love can cross visible and invisible boundaries. Am I doing all the writing? Sure? Does that mean she isn’t participating? Nope! Blessings, Luise

  19. S.. September 27, 2011 at 4:31 pm #

    Hi, im 12 i miss my grandma so much she ment everything to me she pratically raised me she was my second mom my mimi and when she died 4 years ago it was like having half of mommy die and ever since she died my life has been changed upside down i have evn suffered with depression and a lot of bad stuff has happened to me is there anyone out there that can help me my mommys tring and i cant take the pain of cring all the time please help i cant get over the fact that shes gone :( S.

    • Luise October 9, 2011 at 6:03 pm #

      S. – Having your grandmother die is something other people can’t help you with. We all have to learn to accept death because it is part of life and we will always be facing it, time after time, until we die ourselves. It is awful for most of us. We just don’t know what to do. I lost my mom and that is when I was hit really hard. I coudln’t stand it and I had to, even when I couldn’t. What I did was I started writing to her. I know that sounds silly but I just had to do something. I wrote about my sadness and I wrote about my anger and after a while it started to get better and I looked forward to writing to her and sharing my life with her. Eventually, and I know this sounds even sillier, I started writing answers back from her. to me I knew she wasn’t writing them but I also knew what she would say to me me, if she could. And that is what helped me heal. That was a long time ago and I still drop her a line once in a while…or just think my thoughts followed by hers. Blessings, Luise

  20. S.. October 2, 2011 at 5:51 pm #

    why was my comment deleted i thought this was supposed to help me. S.

    • Luise October 9, 2011 at 2:36 pm #

      S. I have been ill and in the hospital and am just getting back to work. I will respond, soon. Your comment wasn’t deleted.

  21. S. October 14, 2011 at 3:57 pm #

    thank you so much i just was very close to her she was my second mom and it doesn’t sound silly because i do that to and i look forward to it and i made a mistake three years ago was when she died and i am really sorry about your mom its just that im a little girl and i cant imagine the rest of my life without her. S.

    • Luise October 15, 2011 at 10:56 am #

      S. – Of course you can’t imagine the rest of your life without her. I was 27 when I lost my mom and I still felt like a little girl when it happened. You haven’t lost her…I honestly believe that. She is right there because she would never leave you. Blessings, Luise

  22. K. November 26, 2011 at 1:32 pm #

    i was just wondering if i should do this so after when i graduate highschool i wanted to .. go to my grandma grafguard and vist her and tell her how im doing, and i wanted to bring my boyfriend there .. to ! and i wanted to say a pome to her with my boyfriend there .. and theres a reason why to , cause we want to move to nashville tenneess .. so ya ? is it a good idea or no . an di wanted to forget about it. K.

    • Luise November 28, 2011 at 9:55 pm #

      K. I think it’s a great idea!

  23. M. March 28, 2012 at 7:22 pm #

    grandma you have great day i really miss you very much for me because i still loved you every much because i love hugs for you and me keepping my heart to me your my best friend i liked your name im sorry you passed away makes me wanna crying so hard on me i wanted you all back to me forever for life to me about it i wanted everything you want i want you get closer for you and me always keepping eye on me so your dad is waiting for you he says where is my mom makes me wanna crying so much harder for me find to a away from me and you so much for you and me togeher for life with me all the time i wanted everything with me so much to do something new at home always makes things i wanted too make it all better grandma donit worryed i will keepping eye on you samething for me and you is time to say goodbye run away i started to crying so harder for much is it hurts me so much wanna be with me crying over you im obessed for you my vioce is lost im serousley i started to sreaming really loud i can talk help me out someone plasese help me out there let do it. M.

    • Luise Volta April 1, 2012 at 7:23 pm #

      M. Sit down and write to her. Pour your heart out. Keep doing it and you will find you are still connected. Blessings, Luise

  24. N. January 22, 2013 at 6:14 pm #

    Hi…my grandma died January 17, 2013. I am having a very hard time dealing with the fact that she is gone forever. I loved spending time with her and we were very close. I never said goodbye because she didn’t even remember anybody because of the cancer. I want to find a way that I can feel better about her being gone and a way I can say goodbye to her.
    Please help.
    (I am 12 going to be 13 in a few months)
    Oh and I remember when I was little I promised her she would see my 16th birthday and she would see my kids. I feel like I broke the biggest promise of my life N. :(

    • Luise Volta January 30, 2013 at 1:50 pm #

      N. – When I lost my mom, I starting writing down how I felt. Sometimes it was while I was crying and at other times it was all in capital letters because I was so mad that I had to try to find a way to go on without her. Eventually, it was more writing her nearly every day about what was going on with me. Eventually, I started writing answers back to me from her. No, it wasn’t anything magical or mystical…I just knew what she would say to me and it brought me a lot of comfort. I still so that sometimes, and she had been gone for 58 years. And I’ve always felt like she has “been there” though all of the major events of my life. Blessings, Luise

      • N. February 1, 2013 at 5:20 pm #

        Thank you I’ll give it a try. N.:)

  25. G. April 20, 2013 at 4:41 am #

    I jus lost my grandma i want to tok to her once just once plz i beg f u is there any way i can talk plz. G.

    • Luise Volta April 26, 2013 at 7:50 pm #

      What I did was write to mine and after a while I even started writing answers…not from her but I knew what she would say. You may want to try that. It helped a lot and I still do it sometimes. Blessings, Luise

  26. T. May 16, 2013 at 8:29 pm #

    I`m only 11 years old and i never got to see my grandmother while she was in the hosbittle. I always had trouble growing up and she just helped me calm down. If u have any clue how to help me please do. i`m so freaking depressed. i`m really crying rite now! pls help me. T.

    • Luise Volta May 22, 2013 at 7:16 pm #

      There are a lot of posts under the category of Death and Afterlife. I think if you read them you might find help there. Blessings, Luise

Leave a Reply