Question: Dear Luise: Will you please write something on your web page my sister and I can give to our parents to keep them from making us move to another part of the state? We have been raised in a green kind of country and they are planning to move us to the desert! My Dad’s job is taking our family there…but we know he could refuse the transfer if he just would. We have so many friends here and we both hate hot weather! We just can’t do this and they won’t listen to us or understand that it’s totally not fair! Please help us. Ben and Laura
Answer: Dear Ben and Laura: When I was young I was always hoping we could move so I’d be the “new girl” in school. We always made such a fuss over anyone new. And I dreamed of being a new person, myself, with a clean slate and flawless reputation. (Which I probably would have messed up, immediately.) We often want what we can’t have and see in it, the best of everything. I wanted to go and you want to stay.
You don’t have a chance with this one. Your upset is just making you and those around you miserable. Your parents have to make their decisions from an overview that you aren’t able to see. They are definitely concerned about both of you. Please don’t doubt that, and…they have a lot of other issues to cope with beyond your present comfort and popularity.
I recently heard a man speak that grew up as a minister’s son. He became a very capable physicist and an outstanding painter. He described his experience of having to move every two years and how he was set back in school because of differing curriculua. I couldn’t help but think how terribly difficult his life must have been with no lasting friendships and no sense of belonging. Yet, now retired, he feels that his passion for painting evolved out of his need to create his own stability. Interesting.
I’m not saying that the move you are about to make, like it of not, is going to be wonderful, but…it might be. You have each other. That could be a plus, if you decide to stand together on this. You love your present environment. Good. You may come to like other climates, as well. New friends may be part of the deal, too. Who knows? It’s an unknown event not a predictable catastrophe. Eventually, when you reach adulthood, you will both get to choose where you want to live from a wider selection.
This is a good time to step up to the plate and make the best of what looks, right now at least, like a raw deal. Adulthood isn’t going to be forever smooth and delightful. Why not hone up some skills at adaptation, as long as you don’t have any choice.
I’m not minimizing this or your feelings. I’m just offering you a way around the wear and tear that inevitably comes with resistance and refusing to cooperate. If you have been spoiled a bit up until this time, it can’t go on forever. Nothing is forever. Blessings, Luise
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