Question: Dear Luise: We have a full house , I own a house with my Son and Daughter-in-Law and my 2 grandchildren,  I work real hard around the house to keep order and be clean and I get very little help.  I clean the entire house weekly, all 4 bathrooms, I also take care of all the yard work.  I  pick-up the kids from school/daycare , take them to there activities and i have a full time job.  We have lived together for 6+ yrs now and i have only mentioned there messiness a few times(there sensitive).  What can I do if anything to have them appreciate what they own and teach there kids to be appreciative as well? C.

Answer: Dear C.: My take is that we can’t change how others think or act. They are adults and get to choose their attitudes and lifestyles. We can choose whether we want to live with them or not…or even see them…but we have no choice regarding whether we are appreciated or not or even whether our idea of cleanliness and order is followed.

We have lots of choices about all of that when we are raising a family but/and when they become adults, the ball is in their court. My opinion is that they are still acting like children where you are concerned and taking you for granted. That’s not entirely their fault, you are allowing, and therefore supporting, the concept. No matter what you say, you stay. Why would they listen?

Your totally reasonable expectation is that they respect you, but in truth, you are being treated like an unseen servant who has no say whatsoever. That’s the reality of the situation. It’s how it is. To complain is unrealistic. It’s a stay or go matter and you have consequences to face, either way. Blessings, Luise

One Response to

  1. O. November 15, 2013 at 11:23 pm #

    C, you say you co-own the house with your son and daughter-in-law. That makes it hard to extricate yourself without costs. Just leaving the premises could make future claims to entry difficult. The cleanest separation would be for one party to buy the other out or both agree to sell and divide the proceeds. At least most real estate markets are looking up.

    Much depends on how you hold title and any legal agreements you have with them. Please talk with a lawyer to clarify your position and rights. O.

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