Question: Dear Luise: We have a full house , I own a house with my Son and Daughter-in-Law and my 2 grandchildren, I work real hard around the house to keep order and be clean and I get very little help. I clean the entire house weekly, all 4 bathrooms, I also take care of all the yard work. I pick-up the kids from school/daycare , take them to there activities and i have a full time job. We have lived together for 6+ yrs now and i have only mentioned there messiness a few times(there sensitive). What can I do if anything to have them appreciate what they own and teach there kids to be appreciative as well? C.
Answer: Dear C.: My take is that we can’t change how others think or act. They are adults and get to choose their attitudes and lifestyles. We can choose whether we want to live with them or not…or even see them…but we have no choice regarding whether we are appreciated or not or even whether our idea of cleanliness and order is followed.
We have lots of choices about all of that when we are raising a family but/and when they become adults, the ball is in their court. My opinion is that they are still acting like children where you are concerned and taking you for granted. That’s not entirely their fault, you are allowing, and therefore supporting, the concept. No matter what you say, you stay. Why would they listen?
Your totally reasonable expectation is that they respect you, but in truth, you are being treated like an unseen servant who has no say whatsoever. That’s the reality of the situation. It’s how it is. To complain is unrealistic. It’s a stay or go matter and you have consequences to face, either way. Blessings, Luise