MomResponds.com: Ask Questions, Get Answers

Comment by Naomi

September 23, 2006 @ 11:37 am

Dear Luise, I’m a teenager, too, and my mom is even more bossier than you can ever imagine. She is keeping me from being happy, she isn’t letting me see my friends. So I’m stuck here with no one to talk to, and all she can do is nag nag nag. I want to be able to talk to her about it, but she is so judgemental it’s like we were one picture that was just torn apart. I really need your help. Signed, sick and tired (fed up)

Comment by Luise

September 23, 2006 @ 6:46 pm

Well, that’s the pits! Can you figure out anything that is going on? Why doesn’t she like your friends? Are they seen as a bad influence by her? If so, why? What is it that you need to be happy? What does she judge so critically? It sounds like your Mom is afraid for you. I disagree with her that isolating you is going to fix whatever it is. Ask her to arrange for you to talk with a counselor. Let her know that if she won’t talk with you about the problem then you need to talk with someone else…who can then talk with her. It has to be done. Is your Dad around, or an Aunt or a Grandmother? You need an advocate. Even if your Mom is making sense, you need communication to move forward.

Comment by Naomi

September 24, 2006 @ 12:57 pm

Dear Luise, I can’t figure out why she’s doing it. I think it’s because she thinks they are a bad influince on me. I need what every girl needs: happiness in her life. She is judgemental of all my friends and me. Why should she be afraid for me? My friends are the best thing that has ever happened to me, because they help make me happy. I feel so helpless with everything. Signed, Helpless and Fed Up

Comment by Luise

September 24, 2006 @ 7:19 pm

If your Mom thinks your friends are a bad influence, she may be right. You don’t have her maturity and overview. She’s in charge and there’s nothing you can do about it. Why let it make you totally miserable? Why not find a way to create your own happiness? There are always people a lot worse off than you, so get busy. What can you do to fill your time that would make your heart sing? Beat your Mom at her own game and be happy anyway.

Comment by Naomi

September 25, 2006 @ 4:50 pm

Thank you for the advice. It’s starting to help me.

Comment by Luise

September 26, 2006 @ 8:45 am

You’re welcome. You are very wise to be problem solving your situation this way instead of whining, blaming and feeling helpless. Go for it!

Comment by Nikki

October 12, 2006 @ 5:29 pm

I am in my early teens and my mom treats me like a little kid. She won’t let me go to this dance at school just because there are older boys there. I mean, if I need her I could call her on my cell phone and she could come and pick me up. But no, she wants me 2 be miserable my whole life. She needs to learn how to let go and let me do things I want to do.

Comment by Luise

October 15, 2006 @ 3:26 pm

Dear Nikki, What a tough place to be. You must feel pretty left out. I know you don’t want to hear this but your Mom is probably scared to death. A lovely, young, teenage girl enters a mine field when she starts socializing in the pre-adult arena, (you said older guys are going to be there). Your Mom wants you to live to tell the tale, so to speak and not be one of the millions of catastrophies that occur every year to young girls. A cell phone feels super-safe to you, and she knows that you might not get to use it or she might not be able to get to you in time. It’s about protective love. Please listen. Blessings, Luise

Comment by erin

November 1, 2006 @ 5:28 pm

Dear Luise,
My mother is absolutely unbearable. She constantly looks for things to yell at me for. She acts like its my responsibility to take care of all three of my brothers and she is terrible to my boyfriend. A few years ago things got so bad that because of her I almost took my own life. God saved me there and things got a little better. Things have gotten bad again. She complains about everything,I can never make her happy. I try to be the good daughter, I get good grades, I have good friends that she likes,I clean and help around the house, I run my brothers to and from practices and to their friends houses, and I try hard to follow all of her rules. Still its not enough. I can’t talk to her because she never listens. Everytime I try to talk to her she yells at me more. I try to avoid her and I get yelled at for having an “attitude”. When I try to defend myself she calls me smartalek and tells me that i should shut up. Nothing I do can make her happy. Its gotten so I am now counting the days until I can go off to college. I keep thinking that by next fall things will get better because I won’t have to deal with her any more. What should I do?

Comment by Luise

November 3, 2006 @ 9:26 pm

Answer: Dear Erin: Hang in there. Stick it out. Put up with it. Endure. That’s because there’s nothing else you can do. Mark each day off on your mental calendar and know that life is going to open up for you in the most unbelievable ways. I have no idea why it is but some people get all of the hard stuff first followed by having their dreams come true and others get a free ride to start with and then hit the bumpy road. You are doing everything right. It’s not you. Accept that your Mom is how she is and don’t waste your energy in trying to change her outlook. Don’t even try to figure her out. Put your efforts into doing the best you can in a nearly impossible situation. (Nearly, not totally.) Later on in life, you will use these lessons to great advantage. I’m in your corner! Blessings, Luise

Comment by Emiliy

November 24, 2006 @ 1:08 am

dear Luise,
Okay i cant stand my mom! i mean i love her and stuff but i dont get her!! i want her to kick me out cuz i want to live my own life! i hate how she is always like “the answer is no because i said so” or “ur only 14! you have no choice, i control u” and those are actually her exact words! i want some freedom. i want to be able to prove to her that if she let me do watever i wanted then i could do better in school and i would be so much happier! i have been diagnosed with severe clinical depression, adhd, ocd, and anxiety. i cant take the helplessness i feel every day! and she also tries to cure everything with therapy or punishment, like she can change the way i feel by grounding me. i dont get why when she gets angry its normal but when i get angry i have a mental issue or im jsut being mean and need to be punished! i jsut dont get it. why cant she just back off??

Comment by Luise

November 29, 2006 @ 5:29 pm

Answer: Dear Emily: Your situation needs serious, professional attention. It’s way past my experience. Talk to your therapist and get some support. It’s not all you and it’s not all your mom. It’s a tangle of both. Blessings, Luise

Comment by Beverly

January 24, 2007 @ 7:44 am

Dear Luise, My mom can be a real bit** most of the time, she argues with me about stupid sh**, like this one time. ok i leave my bed messy and like scrunched up because my little dog loves it that way so that she can cuddle in the covers. besides my bed doesn’t look like crap because I’m a very neat person. so she goes “Beverly make your bed” i tell her why i leave it that way and she comes out with her stern voice “fix your bed” i asked why and i told her again y it was that way and say that it’s not your bed it has nothing to do with you, you don’t sleep in here so why do i have to fix it. so since she’s the mom she says it one more time and I’m like you know what fine. i really don’t get that sh** , i really don’t how the fu** you going to sit there and argue with me about some stupid sh**. she always want to argue. i swear moms take it to far, just because they’re older. oh and yeah because they’re your mom. you know what that makes them real hypocrites because they say “treat people the way you want to be treated.” that saying is so stupid. i learned it’s “treat people the way they treat you.” she pisses me off almost every freakin’ day its not even funny. i told her, she thought i was playing but i said that when i get older I’m going to hit her, just because she wants to hit people, I’m going to hit her back when i decide to go crazy one day from her stupid ass actions, i swear man when i turn 17 i think i just might go crazy. I’m 15 rite now and you know what i cant wait to lash out on her and go crazy. and if she want to fight sh** we sure as he** will fight. she better not give me that stupid ass saying again. if you’re not going to live up to the saying, please don’t dish that stupid sh**. Sorry this is so long but i typed cause i saw other girls you kind of give good advice.

Comment by Lynn

December 26, 2007 @ 1:41 pm

Hi, I am in my early 40’s and I have had a rotten relationship with my mother my whole life. She never liked me and has made that clear time and time again. She left my sisters and I when I was 11 the youngest of 3. She ran away with one of her boyfriends. She married him after he forced himself on me. I told her and she said I was a slut…long story but she blamed me. Anyway, I always tried to make my relationship work with her, but everything always ended in it being my fault. This summer I took my girls out to visit my sister in Washington state. The trip was one of the worst trips I ever went on. My husband and I were planning on divorcing, so I need to get away for some emotional support from my family, which I didn’t get. I was treated like crap from my sister. Then my mother flew out to see my daughters and I, and she made things so much worse. For years my mother and sister told me to leave him. Then they told me to stay. I was told I am a crappy mom and that I don’t do anything right in raising them. Needless to say, my girls and I couldn’t wait to get away from them and get home. I haven’t spoken to my sister in 5 months. I got 4 really mean e-mails from my mother stating that I am stupid and with all my education I wasted my money and that my kids should be in a foster home, because I suck at parenting. My kids are good kids, they have good grades and are in sports. My son, who is 16 is an honor student and top in his power machinics class, but like I said, she has abused me all my life, telling me she should have had in abortion. Now my sister who I was really close with doesn’t talk to me. I just want advise in letting them go.

Comment by Luise

December 26, 2007 @ 5:55 pm

Answer: Dear Lynn: You know that you have done a very good job raising your kids. They are proof of that. You also know that your mom, for whatever reason, wasn’t. It’s time to seek support someplace else. The dynamics in your dysfunctional family are still alive and well and you just don’t need that. Some churches have counseling and support groups. And of course there are other places to go. The point is you are going through a very tough time at present and need advocates…people who will listen and who care. Don’t respond to the poison emails and don’t respond to the silence. My guess is that your mother and sister are both jealous of you. Build an extended family elsewhere,in a clinic or a church or a neighborhood. Blessings, Luise

Comment by Ashlayy.

January 24, 2008 @ 8:07 am

Okay, so my mom doesn’t want me happpy. I cant talk to her. Its about my boyfriend. She thinks he’s too old
but he isnt. He is so sweet to me. He’s 18 and I’m 16. She just UHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I never get to do anything, really.

Comment by Luise

January 24, 2008 @ 5:01 pm

Answer: Dear A.: It is so hard. Your mom buys the groceries and pays the bills. That’s just how it is. She makes up the rules and you get to follow them. I have no idea why your guy looks like poison to her but I do know she probably wants the best for you and may think he’s not it. Your choice, right? Well, maybe in a perfect world. If you can’t talk and you can’t neotiate you will just need to wait it out. If he’s really a serious mistake, you will eventually find that out, once you are footloose and fancy-free.
BLessings, Luise