I Hate My Mom’s Bossiness
Question: Dear Luise: I’m in my early teens and I absolutely hate how bossy my Mom is. I don’t hate my Mom…but it’s hard to separate the two sometimes. She is into and on everything I think and do. She wants to know every single detail of my life and she is forever giving me orders. I know this is not the only way to be because I have been around my friends’ Moms and they are given room to breathe. I’m not. I have tried to talk with her and I have also yelled and screamed a lot and all I get is “it’s for your own good and someday you will thank me.” I will never thank her. NEVER! It’s pure torture. Is there anything I can do besides run away? Thanks, Kyla
Answer: Dear Kyla: It’s sounds awful. I have to give you that. And yet, we seldom like what our Moms do. How many of your friends tell you they just love the way they are being brought up? Yes, I thought so. Being a kid is tough and there’s a lot about being helpless that is factored into growing up.
My Mom was super-permissive. Do you think I bragged to the kids about how cool she was? No! I was totally convinced that she didn’t love me and didn’t give a rip what happened to me.
You don’t get to vote on this until your childhood officially comes to an end and you get your turn at being a Mom. You’re going to do it right, right? Well, I can almost guarantee that your kids will hate it sometimes…and you as well.
Helplessness is a rotten deal. Yet none of us can grow up by ourselves. Someone needs to care for us: provide food, shelter and guidance. Childhood is just like that. And, even though you’re no longer little, you aren’t ready to hit the road, either. It’s you Mom’s show. It has to be done her way. You have no real choice. Best to back off and put up with it instead of keeping everything on a World War III level. That takes energy and focus that you’d be happier putting someplace else. It’s just not worth it.
And let’s talk about running away. I hated my home-life at your age but I was smart enough not to run away. I think you are, too. Kids run away from stuff so terrible that most of us can’t even imagine it and the streets are ALWAYS worse! Guaranteed. For many, there’s no chance to ever be considered a grown up. They don’t live that long.
Hang in there and tough it out. Start a journal and write down exactly how you feel about your Mom’s bossiness. Also write what you plan to do differently when you are a parent and why. Keep it for future reference. There’s a good chance you’ll need it. Better days are coming. Blessings, Luise
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