Question: Dear Luise: I am not sure of what to do! My son told me last night that he hated me because I am never there for him. I have always been there. I have supported all of his activities, made every football practice and game. Made more than sure that he has had what he needed in life. Been there for him when he and his Dad had a falling out. Supported him in all of his activities at school. I have never mistreated him. I don’t know what to do. He has become very verbally abusive and sometimes tries to get physical with me. He is constantly putting me down and showing disrespect. I know that becoming a teenager is difficult, but why abuse the one person that is there for you? Stephanie
Answer: Dear Stephanie: Don’t look for logic in this situation…you aren’t going to find any. You need help with this one from a mental health professional that can work with both of you. Let your son know immediately that you want to work with him and you are going to need help. If there is a counseling service at his school, make an appointment right away to discuss this situation with someone there and get a recommendation for further help.
Make it very clear to your son that your feelings for him haven’t changed and you have no idea what is going on with him. Let him know that his verbal abuse is not helping resolve the problem and that you will not tolerate any physical abuse from him.
This is serious. You need to get on it immediately. It’s also dangerous. Teens can get edgy, mouthy and uncooperative but what you are describing came on too fast and is too intense to fall into the ”normal” category. When there is a sudden onset and behavior is radical, it is a serious warning.
Talk with your husband about this. Let everyone involved know that you are not accepting it. It’s a family situation that needs to be directly addressed. If your son thinks you are alone and helpless, get rid of that concept and let him know that your love for him will not keep you from taking a stand. You have never been his punching bag and you’re not starting now. Blessings, Luise
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